Wattpad Pet Peeves

unique spelling ≠ originality

I tried reading Sarah J. Maas' Throne of Glass yesterday. I got past the first two sentences at least. I thought that was an achievement. Prior to reading it, I read spoiler-free reviews on Goodreads, both the 1 and 5-star reviews. 

Of course, the 1-star reviews were in the minority. 

But immediately when I read the first chapter of the book, the main character's name annoyed me. I will nitpick seriously. This was the very first line:

"Celaena" is her name. 

Me: You mean Selena?

No. Celaena. 

Me: But—
         But why not just spell it 'Selena'? And if you spell it that way then it would be pronounced Se-lai-na. 

Well then, miss. Smart are you?

___

It's something I've seen often. Spelling the name differently (or even beyond recognition) to show character originality and uniqueness. Especially in fantasy. 

Jacob is Jaycob. Zoe is Zoie. Tristan is Trystan and Xavier is Xzavier. 

But that's just level one. 

Natalie becomes Natailee. Still too soft?

Daniel? No, make that Dhaniyel. Jackson? Boring. Jhacksun. Erik. Whillyam. Kollin. Ehdwhard. Colton? Pah. Coaltonne. How about that?

I'm tired of seeing hard to spell, hard to pronounce and seemingly original names thrown about all over the pages of YA Fantasy, when the character itself is just as bland, banal and mind-numbingly dull. 

I could understand if Celaena turned out to be unique and well-worth her name. But later on? I wasn't surprised when I didn't see much distinction from her. 

It's day two and I've made it to the fifth chapter now. I will probably stop there too. 

But authors, a brief word?

I would much rather like to see a character named Bill blow me away with his refreshing straightforwardness and consistency, not to mention being interesting all around, than a Nialakos Dimetravos who's only good feature is that he has none. 

Whatever the fuck happened to real names like Bob and Butch and Phill and Bobby? Would it pain you so much to give your character such a mundane name that reflects nothing of their "true uniqueness"? 

When it all comes down to it, the character makes the name, not the other way around. Regardless of whatever name you've given your character, you're the only one who really cares about it. Once you readers have read your story and know about your characters (and grow to love or hate them) they wouldn't be able to imagine them having any other name. 

In this respect, the character name shouldn't even really matter any at all. And that's the point i'm trying to make. Please, invest more time in building believable characters that aren't slapdash and illogical, and less time on some excruciatingly unique name that's just differently spelt from a reggular old boring one. 

Also, a fun-fact? The ae we know is from Latin, and in Latin it's actually prnounced as 'eye', not 'aye'. But, you know, the west has to butcher everything. Celaena would actually be pronounced 'Se-lai-na', just as how Caecilius will be prnounced 'Kai-kee-le-us'. But, that's beside the point. Someone will probably comment here completely disregarding the fact above. since it's the internet.

My character is unique beyond belief. For that reason, I must come up with the most uniquely spelt name to show her true uniqueness. A simple name like Amy is merely unbecoming. This is a fantasy world for crying out loud! There are men named Nixion and Asparagus and Punchinella and Hothunkysexyman. I can't just name her Pat or Sally or Sue. I will name her Alluviona Hargglydash. No. Natashiara Uxorsiala. Better yet, I should combine vowels and use intricate spelling for a name like Œphænia Menduxsorsæ Dëlphinæ Tudorxiar. 

That sounds swell. 

[EDIT]

AW MAN THANK GOD FOR THIS

I get this. I really do. There's nothing wrong with giving your characters super unique names. But at this point, to me, it just seems overrated :/