LOVE, LUST, FAITH AND LIES (A Jared Leto Fairy Tale)

From Yesterday

The strict disciplinarian that was the headmaster of Our Ladies, a large imposing man with a no nonsense, downright scary attitude, Mr Normington gave an assembly about how a teacher's life was their own and any mocking or gossiping about them could and would end in immediate expulsion of the perpetrators. He ended his assembly  however, with a sermon about the evils of sex before marriage (with a pointed look at Shiv) and the purgatory and lakes of fire that awaited them should they indulge in that particular sin. Pious it may have been but it certainly worked. Even though she'd been largely ignored by her colleagues, apart from a few who were so giddy about her time with Jared, of course the other younger women, asking much the same questions as young Faith, the gobshite sheeple at download. Shiv missed Faith, Well not so much Faith, but how she was there, making her laugh on that wonderful day that she'd thought she'd be leaving with Jared in a day or two. The day that ended in complete tragedy. They got the same replies as faith. Confusing teasing replies that neither confirmed or denied. However she didn't really care about anybody's looks OR questions. It didn't matter anymore. Jared had never, ever even tried to look for her after Download. His people would have found her, surely. Her Prince wasn't a prince after all he was a weasel. NO! a toad and his promises were only to his own ends. Prince needed a kiss to prove himself. The princesses didn't matter just as long as there was one that made him look real. He probably gave every single fan girl the same treatment. That was probably the same number he gave every gullible and awestruck girl to spread her legs for that bastard . Either a dead number that'll  not even ring or an actual number that he'll just ignore then block. Fecking wanker, surely he would have got ONE of Orlaith's messages, she thought while waiting for double art with year 8's. Shaking herself out of it, her final thought on the subject was the same, after all she THOUGHT they had, after all the promises, fecking WANKER. She seethed with anger but  she'd have to reign it off til she got home. She supposed she was angry anyway. She was absolutely SICK of people. Pupils, parents and other teachers. ALL of them not taking art as a legitimate subject in it's own right. Not some filler class bridging the gap between REAL "key" subjects like English, maths and science. No, what over half of these kids heard from their parents were you have to get blah, blah fecking blah, the other didn't give a feck about education anyway...there was always job seekers allowance. No. No, art didn't matter. The world didn't need architects, car designers, photographers, clothes designers, homewear designers, advertising, wallpaper, home appliances etc...NO! Of course the world doesn't need art, we can do without all those things and much, much more. The kids just sat there doodlling on their art folders until it was the time to move on to a proper lesson but the real tragedy of this school, probably all schools, is none of the students knew or even cared to know that just looking at those doodles the art teacher knew that those children had true potential. Some, incredible potential as artists. Really, really boiled Shiv's piss. " What the feck is wrong with you today Shiv?" she took a gulp of Luke warm coffee as the class came filing in.

Her year 8 class, the one containing the little git Riley, had been much quieter since the photo carry on. There was so much talent in this class that it was pracically oozing from under the door.  Chelsea Baird of course, was one of the talented ones. She had some real raw talent that needed harnessing and nurturing. She was a candidate for art school. But none, NONE were as naturally gifted as , surprisingly, J.J Bennett. He had really settles down since the Jared photo incident. Had even moved to the other side of the room away from Riley. Perhaps felt guilty. Whatever had happened between the two had happened and she was so glad for it, not to get Shiv wrong, he could still be a little shit. But his art, by God his art was something to behold and Shiv would be damned if she was going to let him go without a fight. Never had she met someone so gifted without long time tuition. Shiv was currently crouched down next to J.J. After she'd ruffled his hair, much to his pride, she'd said quietly (as not to embarrass the little bugger) "Jonathon, Joseph Bennett! Where on Earth has this come from all of a suddin? Niver hide yer light under a bushil pet lamb. Not ti fit in wi idiots. This is really high ind stuff J, I mean real high ind stuff. Yer batique yer did a couple of weeks ago? A visitor ti the school last week wanted to buy it! Jon Joe di ye even realise how good that is me lil man? It means if ye getting offers fi yir work now, in year 8...what will ye be commissioned to create in young adulthood? What do ye think about doin some work fi the display in the hallway?  I'm tinking of putting ye forwid fi thi giftid and talented register. Now thin I've got here an array of water colour pencils fir ye to borrow by faber castel. These pencils are amazing Jon Joe, càn be used wet or dry. Wet, thil give ye the most vivid colour yil ever see in water work, dry they'll give ye the boldist spectrum of colour yil ever see in a 2 in 1 pencil. Now, these pencils are not belonging ti the school here laddy, they're belonging to me and they're insanely expensive, so guard em wi  ye life..." Just as Shiv went to say something else a wave of horrific nausea hit her like a freight train. Like Scooby doo when he sees a ghost and his colour drains leaving a puddle of colour at his feet, minus the puddle Shiv drained milk bottle white. J,J and others around grew concerned and started asking if she was ok. But Shiv didn't hear as she jumped to her feet and ran full pelt and threw up her granola and coffee that she had for breakfast every morning without fail into the extra strong bag lined bin. Kneeling there, waiting for the nausea to subside, her first thought was "oh my Gad. I hope none of this went on their precious art folders" and her second was "What the feck? I niver vomit and if I de I've been ill before hand. That just came on and now it's gone. Must be coming down wit a very strange bug". Finally Shiv stood and faced the class. Laughing ,she exclaimed, "I'm very sorry that ye all had ti witness me breakfast in reverse, cover yir mouths and noses and git some hand sanitiser. Ye don't want me germs!" Also laughing, a voice piped up "you sure it isn't morning sickness miss? Awww cute baby Jarvon!" Once again that evil freight train had reversed for another go. This time, however, it hit Shiv's gut harder and faster carrying the truth as it's cargo. She stood there, silent. "Aw my GOD I cannit say how sorry I am, Miss. I didn't nar that ya are pregnant!" Shiv bent and tied the bag. "Don't be silly Chelsea, of course I'm not pregnint ti Jared Leto! I was just suprised that it came from ye mouth. Chelsea coloured and Shiv declared she was going ti get rid of the stinky bin bag. Tears pricked behind his eyes at the realisation that  it probably wouldn't be the only thing she'd be getting rid of.

Sat in Costa, right next to the Boots express where she'd just purchased the little white sticks that would seal her fate forever, she sipped her chai latte. She now couldn't stomach coffee after throwing it up. Shiv kept daring herself to go into the ladies but bottled out everytime she went to stand up. Possibly noticing how miserable she was, "Lily" the name tag on her Costa barista top, came up and took her cup away. "Penny for your thoughts?" The young girl enquired "ah doll, if I knew meself what they were I'd tell ye" Shiv replied with a tired smile. "Something to do with those?" Shiv followed her gaze down to the set of two pregnancy tests that were held in Shiv's hand. The hand was gripping them so tight that the knuckles were white and the boy was ruined. "Aye, darlin what else?" "Look there's nar use putting off the inevitable madam. Ya canat wait till the bairn pops out one day. Why don't I make ya another chai and you gan to tha loo?" The kind girl said. She must have been all of 25 but looked and sounded like she'd been round the block more than a few times. "Aye, ok lovely, thankye so much" said Shiv as she raced to the ladies before she could change her mind.

Seated on the plastic toilet seat, not even bothering to pull her beetlejuise trousers and pink frilly panties. She'd been sat there for 5 mins...2 minutes over the time that allowed the treacherous stick to seal her doom. Finally looking down she saw what she knew she'd see and burst into miserable tears. "Jared should be here, sharing this moment. But he's a busy man, music to make, acting to do, women to fuck then LEAVE." Shiv thought spitefully "Well if the cunt doesn't want me then he won't want his baby now will he? The hatred rising in her gut she wiped, flushed and threw the hated test in the sanitary bin. Slowly she unlocked the door, washed her hands and face, avoiding the mirror and stepped back into the main room where Lily was waiting "can ye pour that in a take out cup hen? I've got ti get home, so I have" "bad news?" Asked Lily with a sympathetic smile "depends who ye ask love I suppose" smiling miserably back Shiv tried to pay for the second latte but Lilly just waved her hand "on the house like ya need it". Thanking her for her kindness, Shiv walked back into a world where the sky looked as heavy and dark as her heart.

All the way home in the car, Shiv was locked in her own thoughts. How she never had accident she would Never, ever know. "Should I get rid of the wee thing? According ti the test and working out all of it, I'm 9 weeks at the very least. That plus the time It'll take ti get in I'll be like, 12 or 13 weeks. I can't de that. So, adoption? Could look into that. There's plenty of couples out there that can't have em Shiv. That'd love this baby more than ye ever could". Baby...baby. The world swirled in her head " No Shiv! Just because ye terrified it might look like it's da ye can't jist give it away over something so trivial...what is wrong with ye gerl? So it's Jared's wee one...so what? I'll tell it when it's auld enough and if they want ti meet, they can do it through Orlaith, I wouldn't have ti git involved. Fucking tit he is. So that's it Shiv yiv made ye mind up.  This baby is gonna live with its birth mother and grow up happy and healthy" She didn't even really notice that she'd been home and sat in the driveway for 15 minutes.

Shiv hung her keys on the hook and shouted hello as she walked through to the living room. Orlaith didn't answer and she had forehead on the dining table that served as BOTH their desks. Pens, pencils, files, folders. You name it, it was there. Orlaith's head/table was a bad sign. Usually that meant she'd lost at court. "Bad day babe?" "I lost him Shiv, the autistic boy used by those...those...fecking SMACK HEADS as a scapegoat. Argued black was white, so I did. I mean how, HOW can a severely autistic boy mastermind and execute such as a vicious plan. I mean knocking an old lady into road and stealing her handbag? Fir what reason? He wasn't rattling fi smack was he? 4 years and his only crime was being a gullible lonely boy who'd thought he'd found some friends. He was screaming fir me, Shiv, screaming. And, I, couldn't, help. The only thing I could de was git him put on the protection wing where he's wit fecking nonces and rapists and murderers, so ti be honist he'll be better off on general population. Bit of bullying but next to rape and torture..." Orlaith's back shook, clearly in tears. Shiv went and crouched next to her "come on gerl, ye can't win em all. Ye know that" Shiv soothed. A million tears later, Orlaith brought her head up. "How did yir day go?" "Probably worse ti be honest. I'm pregnant to Jared fecking Leto" "Ye what ye say?" Orlaith nearly snapped her neck trying to look Shiv in the eyes "I'm pregnant Orls".