Easy to Love You

"We're going to find your sons."

My anxiety didn't let up until we were three states away.

"Do you want to stop for the night?" I ask Spencer, looking back at the kids.

They're fussy and we're all starving.

We left around six and have been driving for ten hours.

We stopped as McDonald's for dinner and I constantly have to climb back to feed Eloise.

I'm exhausted. The kids are exhausted. It's four in the morning.

"I do." Spencer says. "But we aren't going to find anywhere that will let us in with four kids and a dog."

He's right.

I sigh slowly.

"You've been driving for ten hours." I remind him. "Do you want me to?"

"No, we have five hours left and you need to be available if Eloise gets hungry."

***

We arrive at the house Spencer's Mum rented at around 9:30 the next morning. The kids are all miserable from the ride and Spencer and I are exhausted. It's a little windy here, but nothing too bad. We're in Madison, Wisconsin.

I unbuckle Eloise and hold her in my arms. Spencer gets the boys, carrying Micah, and we let ourselves in the house.

Our family that left early is in the living room.

"Oh thank god." Mrs. Carter says when we walk in. "Are you guys alright?" She looks behind me, out the door, and then closes it.

"We're alright." Spencer says. "Exhausted, but alright."

"You didn't stop?" Kendall asks.

"And do what? We can't find a hotel with Axel."

I look down at my German Shepherd. Eloise starts to cry, but I already know it's because of her diaper.

I take the diaper bag from Spencer and sit down on the floor, pulling out the mat, bouncing Eloise. When it's down, I lay her down on it, unbuttoning her onesie.

I change her diaper. She just ate a half hour ago so she's probably not hungry. I'm so tired though, sleeping is all I can think about.

"You two go get some sleep." Mrs. Carter says. "We can watch the kids." She looks at me. "Have you pumped?"

I shake my head.

"No, just wake me up if she gets hungry." I say.

"Of course." She says.

"Thank you." I say sincerely.

"You're welcome." She says.

She takes us to the room we're staying in.

Spencer and I shut the door.

I pull off my pants and climb in bed in just a shirt and underwear, sighing as how comfortable it is.

He strips to his underwear and gets in next to me.

Usually we'd cuddle, but I'm just too tired.

The moment my head hits the pillow, I fall asleep.

***

"Audrey." Spencer is shaking my shoulder, hard. "Audrey, you need to get up."

I sit up.

"What's wrong?" I ask, my eyes half closed.

"I-we can't find Declan, Luca, and Micah."

"What?" I ask, my eyes fully open now. I get out of bed, tripping on the sheet, and pull my jeans on. My blonde hair is in a mess, but I throw it up, putting my glasses on, and my shoes, following Spencer out of the bedroom, downstairs. Everyone is inside and the house is chaotic.

"What happened?" I ask.

"I was making sandwiches." Mrs. Clark says. "And one second they were there, and the next, they weren't."

"How long have they been gone?" I ask.

"We've been looking for an hour." Dad says.

"An hour?" I say. Fear runs through my entire body.

I'm terrified. I'm so fucking scared.

Right after I dial, I go outside.

"How far did you guys look? Why didn't you wake me sooner? Where's Eloise."

"We were looking for them, we were gone the whole time." Spencer says. "And Eloise is in the stroller." He points to the stroller, where my daughter lays, asleep.

I feel like I could be sick.

"We called the police." Spencer says. "They have a team out looking."

"There's a lake down the road and they can't swim." I say, running out of the house.

I run down the street to the lake, and search for any sign of my boys.

They're little. I'm so scared.

I walk up and down the street, panicked.

"Do you know why the police keep driving past and random people are walking up and down the street?" A woman asks. She's getting her mail and her young child is on her hip.

"My boys are missing." I say, running my fingers through my hair. "Have you seen them?"

"Your boys?" She asks. "How old?"

"Three, two, and one." I say.

"Oh god." She says. "Let me help you look."

She runs inside, yelling for people, and her family members come out with her.

"What are their names?" She asks, rubbing my shoulder for support.

"Declan, Luca, and Micah." I say. "God, I can't believe this is happening."

"We'll find them." She says. "Let's split up. Where should we take them if we find them?"

"To a cop." I say. "Or one of the random people passing, they will recognize them, if they don't recognize them, don't give them to them, and we're staying at that house down the street, you know, the wood one with the big windows?"

She nods.

"Okay. We'll find them."

***

Three hours.

Three hours passed, and we've searched everywhere within a ten mile radius.

I feel like I'm going to be sick, and we're all just standing around.

"We have authorities alerted." The officer says. "We're going to find your sons."

I'm never letting anybody babysit until my kids are old enough to be the babysitters.