Easy to Love You

Vacation

When Spencer and I walk into the living room, the kids jump up.

"Mummy!" Declan screams, running to me. I crouch down, catching him in my arms. Luca and Micah follow him. Everyone is watching us closely. I hug all of the kids, following them into the living room. I look at my Dad.

"You're a snitch." I say. He sighs.

"I did what was best."

I sigh.

"I know."

The moment Eloise sees me, she starts crying.

She probably wants milk. I pick her up, sitting down on my couch, sighing.

I really want everyone to leave, but I don't say anything. I start to nurse Eloise, sighing.

Spencer finishes bringing all the things in from the kitchen.

"I don't mean to be rude..." he hesitates. "But I'd like some time with my wife without an audience."

He has no problem kicking people out.

"Right, yes, of course." His Mum stands up.

They say goodbye, and they leave.

When Eloise is done feeding, I let her use me as a pacifier until she goes to sleep, and then I bring her upstairs and switch my nipple out for a real pacifier.

I put her in the crib and put her the monitor on, and then I go downstairs.

"Nap time." I say. I bring the boys up and put them all in bed, and then I put up the gate and go downstairs.

Spencer is laying on the couch. He sits up when I walk in.

We're both silent.

We stand there awkwardly, and then he opens his arms.

"Come to me, Jules."

I walk over to him, sitting down next to him.

He doesn't touch me and I don't touch him. He puts on a movie and we sit close enough so we're almost touching but far enough that we aren't.

I'm nervous.

After a couple minutes, I look at him.

We haven't kissed, we haven't hugged, he hasn't touched my face or ran his fingers through my hair. He didn't hold my hand in the car, and now we're sitting close but not touching or cuddling.

This is so awkward. I don't like awkward.

Spencer and I are never awkward.

He put ice on my wrist and I grabbed his shirt but that's it.

What if we really aren't back together?

I should've run. Maybe I should've taken the plane to Florida.

Walk away, that's what I need to do.

I need to get up and walk away.

I start to get up, but he grabs my hand, very gently.

"No."

I look at him.

"Spencer." I whisper. His eyes look so full of pain. "What the hell happened to us?"

He swallows, looking like he could cry.

"Please don't walk away from me again." He whispers.

I'm quiet, studying him.

This is the man I love. I married him. I would run in front of a gun for him.

I have ran in front of a gun for him.