Easy to Love You

I can't stay here.

Spencer can hardly look at me.

I can't be in the same room as him because I can literally feel the burning hate he has.

Now that all four kids are asleep in bed and Spencer is in our bed doing god knows what, and our family are in their own houses, I'm going downstairs.

I can't sleep in a bed with somebody who can't look at me.

I just need some time to cry.

I put up the gate and just go downstairs.

I round the corner and open the door under the stairs, flipping the switch. The light turns on, so I shut the basement door and walk down.

He hates me. Spencer hates me.

My Romeo hates me.

He blames me for hurting Micah. He blames me for everything.

We fight.

Ever since I said Emily should move in so we could help her, he's hated me.

I walk into the basement bathroom and close the door.

I press the lock in, sit down on the edge of the tub, bury my head in my hands, and just sob.

My sister is ruining my marriage.

My sister is ruining my life.

She made me go to Australia to stop her dumb ass from going to Mum and ruining her own life.

She made my husband and I fight.

She made my son crack his head open.

My one year old baby cracked his head open because my sister didn't shut the fucking gate.

I should've never let them upstairs alone.

It was my job to protect them and I failed them.

I should be fighting for my marriage, but I don't even know where to begin, and I have no idea what the hell to do.

I cry until I can't. I cry until I throw up, and then I keep crying until I have a horrid headache.

I go upstairs, puffy eyes, and down the feeling of vomit with a bottle of tequila. I sip it, and then I get some water and drink that too, putting the cup in the dishwasher.

When I turn around, Spencer is standing at the bar.

He entered silently. I didn't even hear him.

I hesitate, looking at him.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"Nothing."

I feel like I might start crying again.

"Are you coming to bed?"

"No."

"Audrey." He says.

Audrey.

I feel my throat tightening and I bite my lip, blinking quickly to stop tears.

"Just go to bed." I whisper.

"Audrey." He says.

I know he knows I was crying.

If anyone knows what I look like after crying, it's him.

He knows me. He's my person. He's my best friend. He's my Romeo, and my Romeo gave a shit if I was crying.

So the man before me isn't my Romeo.

And if he is...

Well, I don't want this person.

"You have to talk to me." He says.