Easy to Love You

"Does it hurt?"

I stand up, walking back upstairs, shutting off the basement lights. I go upstairs to our bedroom, where Spencer is pacing. He turns when I walk in.

"Can we please talk?"

"I don't..." I trail off. "I don't think you really want to talk to me."

"I'm sorry. I grabbed you. I should've never grabbed you like that. I-"

"That is the first time you've touched me in almost a week and a half." I whisper.

"No, no that's not. I-" he cuts off when he realizes I'm right. "What the hell is happening to us?"

I shut the door and just stand there. "What happened to us?"

It took forever for me to trust him. To build a relationship with him, and now, suddenly, everything has fallen apart in a week.

One week.

It took over a year to create the foundation we have, the love we have, but only one week to destroy it.

"I'm going to leave." I say finally.

"What? No. No, absolutely not."

"I'll come back." I say. "But for now, I'm leaving."

"Where will you go?"

"I don't know."

Silence.

"Don't." He says. "Please."

But it's not sincere.

He doesn't want me here.

"Can I take the truck?" I ask. "The truck doesn't fit all the kids."

"You can't you're breastfeeding." He says.

"So I will take Eloise with me."

"No. You're not taking my fucking kid. No. Leave, but you're not leaving with my kid."

Leave.

I nod to myself and start packing.

"Don't go!" He says, outraged.

I ignore him, packing all of my things, and carry my bag downstairs. He won't let me have the truck, so I pull out my phone and dial for an Uber.

"You're not leaving. No. I won't allow it. No. Fuck no. That's not happening."

He's panicking, but I don't think he actually cares.

When the uber pulls up, I toss my duffel bag in the back seat and just look at my husband.

"Don't." He says.

I shake my head and get in the car.

***

It took me sitting on the airplane seat to realize that I was running. I was leaving.

So I go off.

I got off and drove around for two hours until finally, at four thirty six in the morning, I pulled into my fathers driveway.

I have nowhere else to go.

I feel bad as I ring the doorbell. Five minutes pass and he doesn't come, so I hold the button down for a couple seconds.

After a minute, I hear the lock turning. The porch light flicks on, and my Dad opens the door.

He looks at me and the bag over my shoulder and silently steps aside.

"What the hell happened?" He asks.

"Can I stay here?" I whisper, fighting tears.

"Yes. Yeah, yes, of course."