My Godfather is Who?

Chapter 14

Noah (another new perspective...ha like the P!ATD song :P)

*Before Stella woke up*

Alex is talking to us about a type of mental ward for teenagers. He wants to send Stella to be sure she's better after she wakes up...IF she wakes up. I push that thought aside and try to think of how it'll be if he really sends her. She'll probably be in there for a while, I don't want her gone. There's so much I never got to say. I spent a few months ignoring her because I was afraid....afraid I'd turn into my mother and hurt her. I've never really been good at keeping my anger down. That's it! "I'll check in with her." I interrupt what ever Alex was saying. He looks at me funny, but Hayley understands. "Me too...." she says, looking down awkwardly. It's my turn to give her a funny look. Unless all of that orange dye went to her brain I'm pretty sure she's fine. "Uh...I'm not sure they'd let outsiders stay with her, erm they have visiting times though." Alex says. He doesn't know. "I need that help about as much as Stella." I say, looking Alex dead in the eye. "I'm a pretty fff-jacked up person." I finish, realizing what I almost said. "You can't just walk in and say that and expect they'll let you stay." he says. Seriously? Did the years of partying and drinking go to his head? I roll my eyes and push up my sleeve. Alex has a pained look on his face as he looks at my scars...I told Stella I quit....Hayley stares doe-eyed. I almost forgot she was there. "I uh..." I fumble and pull my sleeve back down. "You kids are fucking insane...Jesus fucking Christ." Alex says. "What about you Hayley?" I ask, trying to take the tension off of me. "Umm...well....everyone leaves...and that...I...it's stupid." She says. "No, please do tell." Alex says. He looks nervous. I'm not sure he can take another suicidal kid. I'm pretty curious as to see what she thinks is so bad.

Hayley

My problem seems so stupid compared to the shit Stella and Noah must face. No wonder they didn't pick up. I was too caught up in feeling sorry for myself to see that they were in so much pain. "What about you Hayley?" Noah asks, looking nervous. I don't know what to say now. They'll think it's stupid. "Umm...well....everyone leaves...and that...I...it's stupid." I mutter. "No, please do tell." Alex says. He looks nervous too. Probably thinks I cut too. "My mother left my father and I when I was young...she said she didn't want me. That I was a mistake and after that my father always blamed it on me, he got drunk all the time, so it was almost as if he left me too, since, ya know, he's not really himself when he's like that. And erm, I had these friends and they told me I was a loser and said they didn't want to be friends with me and for a while I had no friends until Stella and Noah came along. I'm afraidI'llScareThemAwayorPushthemAway" I say the last part fast. "What was that last part?" Noah asks. "I...I'm afraid I'll um..either push you guys away..or scare you away." I say looking down at my feet. "Hayley, you could never scare us away! You're like one of my few friends, no you're my best friend!" Noah says, putting his arms around me. For someone who acts so tough and fierce, Noah is a lover. I blush and hug him back. "So Edward Scissorhands and daddy issues are the reason my goddaughter is in the hospital..."Alex says. We both look at our feet. I expected more sympathy. Stella's Grandma comes out of her room and Noah rushes in before Alex and I can get the chance to move.

Noah

She looks so peaceful. I kiss her on the cheek lightly. Just one. Hopefully she won't mind. "Hey Stells. I'm sorry....for so many things...." I say. I sing to her a little...it sounds weird and cliche, but I like singing and I've always wanted to sing to her...but not like this.

"Don't say I'm better off dead,

Cause heaven's full and Hell won't have me.

Won't you make some room in your bed?

Oh, well you could lock me up in your heart,

And throw away the key.

Won't you take me out of my head?

I'm just a would've been, could've been,

Should've been, never was and never ever will be.

We'll sharpen your teeth.

Tell yourself that it's just business.

Would've been, could've been,

Should've been, never was, and never ever will be.

Worms come out of the woodwork,

And the snakes start to sing..."

I sing that part of 'And The Snakes Start to Sing' by Bring Me the Horizon, in a soft tone. I hold her hand and sit in the chair at her bedside. I don't know how long I'm there. I feel myself in a state of being awake and being asleep. I feel my hand that's holding Stella's jerk a little. I look up and see her looking at me and OH. MY. GOD. I've never been so happy.

It doesn't seem like much,  but to me it's the first snowflake falling, or the first breath of spring, if she could just make more flurries.