My Godfather is Who?

Chapter 15

Noah

I roll over and see Stella by my side. I smile and kiss her lightly. She opens her sleepy eyes and smiles back. I can feel the pain in my head return as my smile fades and my eyes begin to water. I feel my body move before I can process what I'm doing. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I scream, kicking aimlessly at the air. "GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" I'm up on my feet ripping at everything in the room. "WHY DID YOU DO IT?" She won't go away. Her eyes are burning in the back of my head. I don't want them there. My skull collides with the wall again and again. I see stars, but they still look like her fucking eyes. She's holding my hand and she won't let go.  Hayley is beside her, they are tangled in a mocking embrace. That's when the men come in. They lower me into a wheelchair and cox me into taking my pills. "She won't leave!" I cry helplessly. "Neither of them will! I can't have her and she's rubbing it in! Bitch!" I kick, but to no avail. The men are stronger. "She'll go away, Noah, just take your medicine. Dr. Bryant is on his way, he'll be here soon and they'll both go away." His words spill like coffee and stain my ears. They sound like lies, plain and simple.

They sit with me until Dr. Bryant comes. We go into his office. Like coffee stains, my day has started.  "So Noah, how did you sleep?" He asks firmly. He is against me. He always will be. "You know exactly how I slept! You're just like Stella, why do you guys hate me?" I say, trying to keep my cool. "Noah, we've discussed this. Tell me what we've discussed." Suddenly, it's like I've pricked my finger. The needle was always there and yet I still touched it, just like every time.  "Stella....but..she was there. I kissed her, you know, like I said I would. Remember? I told you I'd try." I think about our past conversations and they seem blurry and incomplete. I replace the thought with Stella's lips. They were light, like cautiously kissing a rose, so not to damage the petals. Almost like nothing. "I thought we had gotten somewhere the other day...tell me about the hospital, Noah, exactly how you remember it." Bryant says, taking off his glasses. There he goes again, turning things against me in the worst ways. "It was romantic, like something from a cheesy teen romance novel that you pretend not to like, because of how unrealistic it is. She squeezed my hand. Music seemed to fill the air and the doctors rushed in. Alex, that bastard, started screaming at me for not letting him be there with her. All I could see was her eyes, so bright. They made me leave, didn't want to upset her." I think about that day, but my head begins to spin. "No, Noah, they didn't want to upset you. Do you know why?" He prods. Her eyes. All I can see are her eyes. I can no longer hear her voice, no matter how hard I try to remember. "SHE'S DEAD!" I don't break things this time. I just sit there and picture her eyes. They're like intricate window pains, cold and still. The room slips away.

She's dead, she's dead. They took her body away, it rests in Florida with her parents. Alex moved a few towns over and continued his success. Hayley dyed her hair blonde and sleeps with whoever is willing. She joined the "in crowd" and drinks a lot. She truly loved Stella. She wanted to be with her, but she was abandoned once again.  Stella never loved me, she was distracting herself.
There's nothing romantic about it. Self harm isn't pretty, it's insane. She should have been institutionalized a long time ago, like me. Death isn't a beautiful figure, sweeping in and kissing you, it's cold. My kisses could never heal her scars, nor could her tears heal mine. I should've told Alex. Help is the only option.