Reject You to Break You (To Reach You Book 2)

Chapter Fifty-One: Wish I Were

Ridge-

You know when they say when you're dying your life flashes before your eyes? Yeah, well they're morons, possible dickheads too...because the only time that happens is when you almost die, when you're so close to death you can touch it with your fingertips but don't enter its lair, because it's not time yet. Only then, because then you lose your life memories.

Only then when you get them back do you get the whole flashing-before-eyes shit.

So yeah...like right now.

I'm seeing everything again. Seeing Beau and Zayn, my clingy fuck-buddies, my brothers, Jack retreating in himself after losing Cara. Jack slowly regaining himself after Tate enters his life and leaves him breathless.

When I rejected North.

When I got drunk afterwards.

I'm back.

That's simply the only way to put it. Before I was a Ridge without my past, now...I have it all back.

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about that.

"You left the part running," I feel a slender arm wrap around my arm. I look up just as North grinning at me, in that pale pink dress that somehow makes her more gorgeous than she looked before wearing it.

I grab her face and kiss her long and hard, draping her on my lap. I fist her hair in my hand, jerking her closer to me. I can't lose her. I just can't.

I rejected her and she was still with me. She wanted to be mine. I fucking had her and I couldn't...

I mean, I'd known I rejected her, but seeing it, remembering it again...it proved I never deserved her.

We break apart and she gives me a breathless confused grin. "That was...wow, hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm...fine,"

"Well--that's--oh," she stares into my eyes, her own widening.

"You're back," she breathes, her smile wobbling.

"Yeah, isn't that great?"

"Yeah," she says faintly. "Great,"

"North?" I drape my arm around her, an uneasy feeling growing in my gut.

"No, no, no, I can't do this, Ridge," she jerks herself out of my hold and getting up, pacing.

"What are you talking about,"

"Ridge, let me think," she says, avoiding my eyes.

"No, what's going on?" I demand.

"Fuck Ridge! I said shut up! Please..."

"You're back," she starts again, swallowing. "Ridge Monroe is back,"

"What are you talking about? I was always Ridge Monroe," I say, getting up.

North shakes her head, smiling bitterly. "No, Ridge, without your memories, you were a blank canvas and because all the people around you were good, you became a good person, but now...you're back, with your memories, you're back,"

"For arguments sake, let's say you're right, so what? This is good,"

"No, Ridge, I can't do this, I can't--you were a jerk, Ridge Monroe, an asshole who rejected me before he knew me, don't think I forgot that, I just forgave it because you didn't remember, but now you do...I can't be with you, Ridge,"

"What...what are you saying?" I say shakily, my hands shaking.

North's eyes are stricken, face torn with pain. "No, I can't, you're back, and you remember, I can't be be with you, Ridge,"

"WHAT?" I bellow. Anger is consuming every cell in me and I want to back her against a wall and show her who she belong to. She's MINE.

North flinches but doesn't back down, tilting up to meet my eyes. And all of the sudden her eyes well with tears and I feel my composure breaking. She better not fucking cry. I can't take it if she cries.

"I can't do this, Ridge, I will not be with you,"

"You're drunk," it was the only explanation I could think of. I couldn't smell champagne on her breath, but she had to be drunk.

North shakes her head. "I wish I was, though, I have to go now,"

Her face was a stone mask. I couldn't even comprehend what she was saying. What was she saying?

"No," I shake my head. "No, you're mine,"

She closer her hand and then, when she opens them they're dead silent.

Hollow...nothing.

"I'm not yours, I never was, and I promise you, I never will be,"

"No, North, don't do this,"

"You don't get a say in what I do Ridge, you lost that privilege when you rejected me a second time,"

It hit me then.

She knew.

She wasn't asleep.

"No, baby, you don't understand--"

"It doesn't matter, Ridge, it doesn't matter because right now, I, North Jacobs, reject you too,"

***

Don't hate me guys.