p o e m s

depression #2

~trigger warning~

written September 8th, 2017

~

some days i wake up 

and i am sad

i feel it

emotionally

but some days i wake up

worse

chemically 

where i can not function

where i go to school in sweatpants 

and a beanie

where it takes me 30 minutes to wake up so i have to

take the damn bus

again

and again

and again

because sometimes this lasts weeks on end

and the bus driver knows

he sees the dead in my eyes

the nothing in my blank stare

how i go and sit in the very back, listening to music

staring out the window

like i do everyday

again

and again

and again

i get to school

i smile to my friends

i laugh a little

but they can't tell the difference

between real and fake

so i smile and laugh

like a human should

fakely 

again

and again

and again

and i get to class

and stare at the Math

or Science 

or Social, La

and i start to get emotional again

my mind isn't empty and i start to hear the voices again

and i cry

because who in there last year of middle school

can't solve a simple multiplication equation

but that's not the worst part

the worst is the

again

and again

and again

over and over

a cycle

a cycle that goes,

again

and again

and... again.

~