Lifeline

Chapter 4

I do not attend my classes. People seem not to see me anyways so they will not notice if I have attended the classes or not. I honestly do not know what happened. Why do the people suddenly become cold towards me? Am I really that bad that God decides to punish me this way? I never thought that I will miss the attention they used to give me. Maybe I will not if at least one person will try to talk to me. But even my best friend is ignoring me. Even the person I thought would be my friend also decides to ignore me just like those people. Even my sister, is not talking to me. I can also feel the coldness at home, like I do not exist. Everywhere I go, I seem to not exist. I never thought that this kind of feeling will be this hard. If God is listening, I want to return to my old life. I will change. I will not be cold to others. I will be friends to those people who would love to be friends with me. I will try to save my sister from all the comparisons she had received because of me. I will definitely change my old ways, just let me live my old life again.

I decide to stay at the music building the whole day, particularly the room where the piano is located, where Nathan is playing. Good thing that no one seems to be in the building. Good thing that Nathan is also not there. With that, I can cry myself alone. With tears in my eyes, I touch the piano keys and notes begin to play, though they are just random notes for I really cannot play the piano that well. I wipe my tears and begin to play the only song I know on the piano. For me it is the easiest song that is why it is the only song I can play on it. My father taught me that song when he was alive. It had been three years since then. Now that I think of him, I begin to miss him. Everything seemed well when he was alive. I was not that popular but I was happy because we were complete. Sarah and I were also close. The only thing that we fought with was actors or songs. We used to fight over handsome actors. Oh how I miss those times. What would have happened if dad is still alive? What would have happened if I did not become the Princess of the Night? Maybe I will not be experiencing these kinds of things. Maybe my life will be completely normal. Ever since I became popular, I never feel contented. Maybe that is why God is punishing me. I also feel betrayed by my dad when he left us. He left us so early and he does not even care to show himself to us, to me, even once. I know it sounds so silly but even as a ghost, I really like to see my dad with us. That is why I begin to believe that death is the end of everything because after death, all the ties you have with the person will be cut. There is nothing after it. I have been asking him questions and I never receive an answer. I used to think that ghost stories were silly but now I want to experience one, especially if it is my dad. But now that nothing happens, ghost stories seem to sound even sillier, because they don't exist. After dad, even my uncle died because of too much sadness, and my grandfather followed them afterwards, maybe because he too felt lonely when his sons left. I thought it was a curse in the family that started on my dad but good thing it does not happen again. Because of those things, I become immune towards death. I never cried during the funerals of my uncle and grandfather, maybe because I already got used with those kinds of ceremony. Even news about someone's death never surprises me anymore. Sometimes, I also thought of dying. I want to die to experience it, not because of problems. Now that I think of it, I better be dead since I seem not to exist anyway. I sigh. Life sure is complicated. You need to live a complicated life but everything will just end to death? What is the use of living if we will all die anyway?

With a sigh I begin to play the first note on the song "Greensleeves". It is an English folk song that I heard on a television before. I immediately fell in love with the song. I asked my dad if he could play it on the piano and it sounded beautiful when he played it. Because of that, I asked my dad to teach me the song and now, it is the only song I can play on the piano. He promised to teach me the piano but he already left before he did. I feel betrayed because all the promises he told us will not happen because he is already gone.