Lifeline

Chapter 9

Just as what Nathan said, he does not give me nursery rhymes but traditional songs and Greensleeves is one of them. I do not know the notation of it until Nathan hands me the music sheet. Of course I already played that song so I am able to play it perfectly. However, the arrangement is different from what my dad taught me and Nathan notices it. He sure has sharp ears. He corrects me like a professor. He is sure taking his role as a professor seriously.

"You are cheating! I told you to play the song according to the notation I give you, not the way you know it." He says.

"I know! I just got used to the way I played it!"

"Then change the way you play. You should follow the notes!"

"I know, I said!"

"Then play it!"

"I know!"

"Play it!"

"I know!"

"Are you just repeating what you've been saying?"

"I know!"

"Stop saying I know!"

"I know!"

He sharpens his eyes on me as I laugh my heart out, he suddenly tickles my sides. My funny bone is located in there. I never thought that he can find it. I run away and he chases me. He keeps on tickling me when I suddenly fall. He falls as well but on top of me. Our faces are a few inches away that I can feel his breath. We stay that way when we suddenly realize our situation. I push him away and he sits on his butt.

"I... I... I told you to play it according to the notation." He says. His face is red.

"I... I... I know..." I say. I am blushing as well.

I realize that I said "I know" again. We look at each other and laugh. I never enjoy a lame thing like this in my entire life until now. With Nathan, even simple and lame things seem enjoyable.

That night, as I walk towards home, I see Tom waiting outside my house again. He is looking at it. I breathe deeply and walk towards him. I will confront him, I have decided. He is facing the other way so he must have not notice that I am on his back. I am about to touch his shoulder when he suddenly talks.

"Elise..." He begins. I stop and put down my hands. I listen. He keeps on talking without knowing that I am behind him.

"It was my entire fault... I am sorry... I never thought it would end up like this... I miss you so much..." He says.

I cannot understand what he is saying. I cannot remember anything wrong that he has done to me.

"My love for you is true... I hope you know that... I'll be waiting for you..."

He is done talking. Before he sees me, I run and hide behind the post. He seems to notice that I am there. He looks everywhere as if looking for something or someone. When he finds no one, he brushes his arms and walks away.

"Nathan must be right. He seemed to love me. He must have said those things to drive Diane away..." I tell myself as I watch Tom walk away.

I can't sleep that night. I keep on thinking about Tom's words that are supposed to be directed to me. If he loves me that much, why wouldn't he talk to me? I have been waiting for him to talk to me this entire time but he never looks at my way again. If he has done something wrong to me, then it is understandable why he would not talk to me. Maybe he feels guilty of himself that he can't bring himself to talk to me face to face. Maybe it is the reason why he always waits outside my house. It is where he talks to me. But then, I thought about Nathan, I seem to enjoy his company more than Tom. I seem to be happier with him than with Tom. But of course, Tom and Nathan are different. Nathan and I are just friends. That's it.

I wait for Nathan at the music room the next day but he does not show himself to me. I am starting to worry so I start looking at him all over the campus. I look at him in each rooms but he is not there. Where can he be? It worries me so I keep waiting for him in the music room. I wait for him there and play the music sheets he gave me the last time. I keep on waiting that I realize it is getting late. I never notice that I have already fallen asleep waiting for him. I wake up with the light coming from the sun shining through the window. It is already morning. I scrutinize the place when I realize that I am in the music room. I remember that I have fallen asleep waiting for Nathan. It worries me so much that I cannot go home. I know it is impossible for Nathan to go here late at night but I am still hoping. Why am I hoping? Why am I worrying?

I stand up and scrutinize the place. Nathan left a book on the shelves. It is our Philosophy book. I open it. I never thought that I will be missing attending classes. But I cannot bring myself to attend them again because I can feel that everybody ignores me. I flip the pages when something falls from it. It is a folded music sheet. When I unfold it, it turns out to be the music that Nathan is working on. It seems to be finished. With a smile I run to the piano and play it. I seem to improve my playing with the music sheets that Nathan asked me to play for I am able to play the song better than before. I play the song and hum. I am not yet done with the words so I just hum them. It sounds so beautiful. I am in the middle of my piano playing when Nathan suddenly bursts into the door. His eyes are red. He has been crying.

I stand up when I see him. "What's wrong?" I ask him. No wonder why I am worried. He is in this state.

He keeps crying on the door then he suddenly runs and hugs me tightly. I hug him back without knowing why. I keep on asking him but he isn't replying. He just cries loudly on my shoulders. Now I can't help him. He has done a lot of things to me and now it is my turn to help him but I can't do anything. I feel helpless.

He stops crying but he seems different. He isn't looking at me. He is silent the whole day. But he never leaves me. He is just there beside me. I want to ask him why but his silence seems to answer my questions. He does not want to talk about it. It is awkward but it is better than not having him beside me. Something big must have happened to him that he does not want to share yet. I will just give him time, maybe he will talk about it to me as well.

The awkwardness continues for few more days. Nathan doesn't touch the piano. But he stays in the music room. He does not attend his classes as well. I don't know why he is like that. I already have enough of the awkwardness so I start talking to him.

"You are not like me. You are not invisible in their eyes! Why won't you attend your classes? You are one of the best students!" I yell to him.

Nathan isn't talking. He continues being silent. I walk to him and shake him. "Nathan, are you listening? Whatever your problem is, you should tell someone about it. You should not handle them yourself. You should continue living your life. You are not like me. You need to go to your classes. You are smart."

Nathan looks at me. His eyes seem to be sorry. He pulls me towards him and hugs me.

"Can I just stay here... can I just stay here... with you?" He asks.

I can't answer him. I want him to keep me company but I also don't want him to ruin his studies for whatever problem he has. But for now, I just let him do what he wanted.