Stories of the Past

I Was Only Nine

Cole's PoV

Her hand sits in mine, my resolve to stay awake starting to break. She'll be fine until morning, right? I feel her hand move slightly in my grip, making my eyes snap open. She rolls over in bed, her eyes opening slowly. Before this sickness started to eat at her, my mum was the most beautiful woman I knew. Her skin was always giving off a sort of glow, her sandy blonde hair cut in a messy bob, the ends wavy, almost to the point of curls; our family trait. Bright amber eyes that would always watch over Bree and I, making sure we wouldn't get hurt. She was so strong, but caring and gentle. And now, she lies in bed, her breathing shallow and a sickness gripping her, hollowing out the skin on her face, her eyes dulled down, and the hugs Bree and I used to get gone as she can't support her own weight.

"Hey Cole," she breathes out, not being able to muster normal volume.

"Hey Mum. How are you feeling?" I ask gently, rubbing little circles on the back of her hand.

"Like I've been in bed too long," she rasps out with a small, croaky laugh. I laugh slightly too, sighing. She rolls over slowly so she can see me better. Her other arm reaches out to me, her finger stroking my cheek lovingly, and I inadvertently lean into it, closing my eyes longingly, wishing this was over, that she would get up and hug me and promise everything would be okay, that she'll get better. Bree and I haven't even lived with her for that long, only a couple of years, which isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. We can't lose our mum when we only just got her back.

I feel a tear slide down my face and she wipes it away with her thumb. "Hey, you'll be okay, Cole. You and Elle, you'll be fine. Even if I'm not here, I'll be watching you from the stars. I'll be with your dad."

"Why do you have to go? Why can't you stay?" I whimper, looking at her through teary eyes.

"We all have to go someday, I just have to go sooner than what I would like. We'll see each other again one day, Cole, but I hope that day is very far away. You have a life to live Cole, you and Elle. Look after one another, know that I'll always love you."

Her breathing gets shallower, her chest barely rising. Her arm drops back onto the bed, but I pick it up with one of my hands and hold it against my cheek, a small, sad smile on her lips, her lips that she would kiss us on the head as she said good night. I look back out the window, the moon in the sky and stars twinkling in the dark. "Mum?"

I don't get a response.

I look back down at her and I slightly shake her shoulders. "Mum? Mum, wake up, please." I shake her shoulders more. "Mum?" Tears pour like waterfalls, landing on the floor as I start shaking, sobs coming from my mouth as her hand stays against my cheek where I hold it, limp, like her other hand that I still hold. "I love you too." The weight settles on my heart and I screw my eyes shut, leaning back in my chair as sobbing takes a hold of me.

She's with Notch now.

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I quietly close the door to her room, bags hanging under my eyes as I stumble through the hallway, light filtering through the window at the end of the hall. I rub at my eyes, the feeling of dried tears still there from last night. When Mum went to the stars. I collapse outside Bree's door, sobs taking over me again. My body shakes and I lean my head back, looking up at the ceiling. My mum, Bree's mum, our mum. She's gone.

The door behind me opens but I just hunch over, wrapping my arms around my knees that I bring to my chest, tears flowing from my eyes. "Cole? Cole, what's wrong?" she asks innocently, wrapping her tiny arms as far around me as she can. "Cole, why are you sad?" she questions and I just shake my head, leaning into her and pulling her against me. "C-Cole st-stop-p cr-crying. B-Big broth-thers can't-t cry," she tells me, her own tears forming. That's the thing with five years olds, they cry when someone they love cries. It's adorable usually, but now, now it just adds to the toll this is already taking on me.