Being a Rockstar's Girl.

Survived Abortion

Marilyn had gone out with the guys for the night, they all needed to calm down a bit. I stayed home, Cara, Brenda and Andy went with the guys. So it was just Cal and I.

"Hey Nikki? I'm going to go to bed." I nodded and went into my own bunk. I closed the doors and sat down. I hadn't been alone in a while, it felt, nice.

I laid on my back and began to fall asleep.

"No! No! Please! No!" I heard Cal yell, things in the bathroom smashed. I snapped out of my tired state and ran to the bathroom. I tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Caleigh! You open this door now!" I heard crying. "No!" She screamed back. "Caleigh Raels!!!" No answer. I used all my force and tried to knock the door down, it didn't work. I tried again, it still didn't work. I gave it my all, it busted open.

My jaw dropped. Cal was sitting there, on the floor. She had on her pajama shorts and a T-shirt. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. Her face was streaked with make up. "Nikki." She cried more. I was terrified. The entire bathroom floor was covered in blood. Cal had had a miscarriage.

She cried harder and I snapped out of it. "Nikki, Zim can't know! No one can know!" I nodded. I walked over and picked her up. "There is too much blood." Cal cried more. "Caleigh, I'll clean this up, let's get you cleaned up." She sniffed and nodded. She was shaking. I got her some fresh clothes while she got in the shower.

Once she was in the shower I began cleaning up the mess. I heard Cal crying in the shower but tried to ignore it. I had to be strong for her. I cleaned everything up and screwed the door back. It looked like nothing had ever happened, all the evidence was gone. I sat on the counter. "Cal? You've been in there a while. You need some rest." I said, very monotone. She sniffed and got out. I looked away while she got dressed.

She looked at me once she was ready for bed. Her eyes were red and puffy. I hopped off the counter and took a deep breath, I opened my arms for a hug. She walked over to me and hugged me. "Please don't tell." I nodded. "I have to tell Marilyn. He won't tell anyone." She nodded in agreement. "Just him." She said. I nodded and brushed her hair out of her face. "I wanted the baby." She looked down. She began crying again. "Cal, it is alright." She shook her head. I nodded. I lifted her head with my finger."Let's get you some rest." She took a deep breath. "Can we pretend I was never pregnant?" I nodded.

I walked her back to her bunk and laid her down.

I slowly walked back to my room. My thoughts consumed me. Why did it have to be Caleigh? Why her? She hasn't done anything wrong.

I shook my head to myself and sat down on the edge of the bed.

I shivered. There was so much blood. It was from a baby. A baby. Could I ever handle kids? Could Marilyn?  I shrugged to myself just like when I nodded. I crawled back and leaned against the headboard. I pulled my knees up to my chest and took a deep breath. I can't handle children. I don't want children. I won't be a good mother. I thought this silently before falling asleep.

I felt the bed get a little heavier from behind me. "Marilyn?" I mumbled. No answer. I slowly turned. "Marilyn?" The air felt cold. I couldn't see anything, it was too dark. I turned over and pulled the switch on the lamp. I turned back to see a baby, grey in color and eyes black holes. I screamed at the top of my lungs as the baby blinked. When it opened its eyes blood came pouring out. I screamed louder and pushed myself away. "No! Get away! Stop it!" I screamed.

I was jolted awake. Sweat pouring from my face, I was cold though. I gasped for air. "Baby?" Arms wrapped around me. I jerked my head back to see Marilyn. I let my body relax in his arms. He pulled me down to lay with him. I took a deep breath and shivered.

"Baby? What was that?" I shook my head. "Bad dream." I had to tell Marilyn about Cal's miscarriage. "About what?" He pushed. "A baby. A dead baby. Staring at me. It didn't have eyes but it was staring. It cried blood." Marilyn looked down at me, worried. "Why would you dream about that?" He asked. "I guess events that happened earlier caused it." I said simply. "What events?" Marilyn pushed more. "Don't tell anyone okay?" I asked, Marilyn nodded gently. "Cal had a miscarriage while everyone was gone. I had to clean it up." Marilyn nodded.

"I'm sorry babe. Are you okay?" I nodded. He hugged me tighter. "How is Cal?" He asked. i shook my head. "Upset. Very upset." He took a deep breath and I shivered again. There was a long pause. "I don't want children. I won't be good enough for them." I broke the silence. Marilyn nodded. "I understand. I thought I did, but I thought about it more. I'm not a father figure." I nodded. "Glad we agree." I replied. Marilyn nodded, and we fell asleep.