BEAUTIFUL

004

the next day, it was just hoseok and jeongguk for lunch. the younger informed him that jimin was having an episode so taehyung was with him.

hoseok took only a bottle of
water, set in his plan to fast for the next few days. he watched as jeongguk picked at apple slices. 52 calories, hoseok's mind calculated on its own. how can he eat that, he wondered. how can he let himself indulge?

of course, what hoseok didn't know was that jeongguk was nowhere near recovered. just because he ate occasionally didn't mean he didn't punish himself for it later, when he was alone. even now, he was mustering up the courage to stick one of the juicy apple slices in his mouth.

but to hoseok jeongguk appeared unbothered, calm and content in his own little world. "hey," the elder spoke up, an idea coming into his head. jimin and taehyung weren't here, so this was a perfect opportunity to ask what had been on his mind for several days now.

jeongguk looked up, just as his fingers were about to reach for the apple. he retracted his hand, the courage to eat dissipating. "yeah?"

"can you tell me what the deal is with jimin and yoongi?" hoseok asked, lowering his voice.

jeongguk's eyes flashed with something hoseok couldn't quite pinpoint. "why do you wanna know?"

hoseok shrugged. "just seems like jimin really has it out for yoongi."

jeongguk let out a short laugh. "i guess you could say that. they ah, they dated for almost a year. pretty much as soon as jimin got here, yoongi had his eyes on him. but nothing lasts forever, and in short a bunch of shit happened and now they hate each other," jeongguk said, shamelessly reaching over and taking a sip of hoseok's water. "i can't really tell you anything else, or jimin hyung might kill me."

hoseok nodded, letting the information sink in. now things were starting to make sense. "i see. thanks, jeongguk."

the nineteen year old just nodded, staring off into space. "well, group will be boring today." he sighed, blowing a strand of dark brown hair out of his eyes.

"why do you say that?"

"cause jimin hyung and taehyung hyung won't be there," answered jeongguk as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

✧

that afternoon, hoseok decided to adventure. he hadn't really seen much of the clinic besides namjoon's office, the group room, the cafeteria and his room. apparently there was a lounge for the patients, where there was a television and video games (non-violent, of course) as well as several tables to play board games and do puzzles or crafts.

hoseok decided he would check that out later. right now, he was walking down a quiet hallway, searching for the door that would take him to his destination.

finally, he saw it. he pulled the heavy door open, stepping inside the small area and facing the ladder. taking a deep breath hoseok began to climb.

fresh air swirled around him as he stepped onto the roof, the chilly breeze raising goosebumps on hoseok's bare arms. he shivered and walked towards the centre of the roof, stopping in his tracks when he saw a figure sitting on the edge. the person was wearing a sweater with the hood up, so hoseok had absolutely no idea who it was. he cautiously stepped forward, clearing his throat. "um, i really hope you're not about to do what it looks like you're about to do."

the person chuckled, and hoseok's stomach sank. "why the hell would you care if i jumped? i thought you wanted me to leave you alone. wouldn't this be a more permanent solution to that?"

hoseok stepped forward, adrenaline propelling him closer to the boy. "yoongi, suicide doesn't solve any problems. it only makes more."

"you sound like all the bullshit doctors." yoongi barked a laugh. "just go, hoseok."

it was then that a waft of smoke invaded hoseok's nostrils, and he began coughing wildly. "the fu–are you smoking?!"

yoongi finally bothered to turn his head to look at hoseok. sure enough, in his pale hand was a lit cigarette. "so what? lotsa people smoke."

"yoongi..." hoseok wasn't entirely sure what he was even doing. what was it his business if yoongi wanted to kill himself? the blonde could be dealing with issues way worse than anything hoseok could imagine. and what if yoongi really was going to jump? hoseok wasn't sure he would be able to talk the elder down. "yoongi please get down from the edge. you're scaring me."

sighing loudly, yoongi gets up and steps down onto the cement roof, looking at hoseok boredly. "happy?"

hoseok can't resist a laugh himself. "yoongi, i haven't been happy in years."

yoongi doesn't bother making a comment about oh, you should be happy hoseok, you have so much to live for, because well, he'd be a bit of a hypocrite wouldn't he? instead he just smiles, taking another puff of his cigarette before throwing it down and squishing it under his sneaker.

as he bends, something falls out of his pocket. hoseok's eyes flash to the plastic bag laying on the cement, with more than a dozen little pills inside. he takes a shaky breath. "y-yoongi?"

yoongi hasn't noticed the pills. "hm?" he asks, looking back up at hoseok. seeing the boy's expression, he furrows his brows. "what? what's wrong?"

"were you really planning on.. on killing yourself?"

it's only then that yoongi looks down and sees the baggie of pills on the ground, the pills he'd been saving for weeks in order to have enough to end his pain. how ironic he would kill himself using the same pills that were supposed to make him not want to kill himself.

"maybe," he shrugs, pocketing the bag before hoseok can move to grab them.

"yoongi, don't... please don't do that. you'll hurt so many people." hoseok steps closer to yoongi, but the blonde backs away and scoffs, turning to face the horizon.

"hoseok, you don't get it. i don't want to be alive. nothing you can say or do will make me change my mind."

hoseok bites his lip, then looks at yoongi firmly. "i swear to you that i will change that."