Who Do You Want To Be Tonight? (YMAS)

We've got things on our mind.

I had cleaned up my whole apartment, not that there was much to clean, but I liked to keep everything as perfect, I guess, as I could. I also still hoped I'd see Chris tonight. Hope keeps us alive, right? It was quite late and I honestly doubted he'd show up. But I stayed on my couch, drawing random things in order to pass the time.

When 12.30pm came, I decided that waiting was beginning to be really dumb. If he wanted to come, he'd already be there. I couldn't believe I even thought Chris would come. This is how I waste my time.

I took a hoodie and made my way to my front door. I needed fresh air, and quite quickly if I was honest with myself. It still felt weird how much coldness was appeasing to me.

When I tried to lock the door, I jumped back in surprise. I hadn't seen that someone was sittig against the wall besides me. I looked down to see that Chris hadn't even noticed I had got out of my apartment. He looked like he had been there for a while. Wait. He was actually here?

"You came..." I whispered, suddenly losing my voice. He then moved so he was facing me, only just getting back into real life."How long have you been standing here?" I asked, after having cleared my throat. But he didn't say anything, and Chris was the only one that didn't freak me out by not talking, like at all. "Would you like coming in? It's getting late." I said and opened the door. He just nodded, taking his skate in his right hand before passing before me.

We sat on my couch, where I had been wasting my time alone, just a few minutes ago.

"Did you want to tell me something?" I tried after a while. Chris wouldn't have come if he had nothing to say. I knew I said I'd make it up to him, but how could I really? He needed me before, not now.

When I heard him sigh, my head shot up.

"I completely forgot what I wanted to say." He muttered.

"Right. It's not important, is it? I just wanted to let you know that if you needed to let some things out, you could tell them to me. I'm sorry I pushed you away yesterday, it's just that I'm not used to people actually wanting to talk to me." I said and laughed a bit at the end. It just seemed to make the situation even more awkward. "So...Do you have something to say, or do you just want to take your mind off? Which I don't know how I could help, but-" I rambled but he cut me off.

"It was the seventh anniversary of my father's death." He breathed out. "I guess I am not totally over him being gone, that's all. I fought with my mom that day and my friend said I was stupid to do that and, well I had nowhere to go without being judged so I went outside. And you came. That's all." He stood up after a few seconds, and went to the door as if he wanted to leave.

"You're not getting out of here in the middle of the night, I hope you know that right? I know it's not the best home ever, but at least it's safe." Chris looked at me weirdly. "Just text the one waiting for you and tell them that you're staying here the night? You can leave as soon as the sun rises if you want." I tried to smile, but the idea that Chris might not want to stay here and I was forcing him to stuck in the back of my mind. But then, he shrugged and smiled at me while taking his phone in his hands.

"Thanks."

Next thing I knew, we were jamming on our guitars, sat on my bed, in the middle of the night, just telling each other stupid stories. But I couldn't help wondering how he could pretend to be fine when his eyes looked so empty just a few minutes ago. I just didn't want to push the topic and probably be too invading.

"I remember that time I was skating through the city and I don't even know why, but a dog chased after me and then its owner was running after me too, yelling its name but the beagle didn't stop. Once I realized what was happening, I stopped and like, the dog literally jumped on me and started licking me. I had never saw it before, but it felt great." Chris laughed and began to pick a few strings.
Must have been weird at first." I smiled. "I used to have a dog. A German shepherd. We named her Bonnie and a few months later we adopted another one we named Clyde. Those were inseparable." Those were the good old times, when things were easier.