Who Do You Want To Be Tonight? (YMAS)

I would walk through hell with a smile on my face.

There are some days when nothing feels right, like nothing you do is what you should do and the worst part is that you can't change anything about it. Today, for example, was that kind of day. It was raining, I was supposed to move out of my flat, but I had nowhere to go, and the worst part was that I didn't -and somehow couldn't- feel any fear.

I had packed a few things, mostly clothes, in a bag, had taken my guitars to the back of the bar, had tried to work as much as possible because even though I never did anything special during my free time, I didn't have anywhere to stay at  anymore.

It's in those moments you wish you had one friend, someone that would do anything for you. But seeing how I had lost the only one I had, no one could help me. And I'm sure I wouldn't want a stranger's help. I talked to people only because it was something that could make me seem normal. Except for Chris. I just thought I'd help him because I knew what it felt like to be alone with nowhere to go. Once again, I think I proved my point.

I took my bag and left the flat without looking back once, because I knew that the reality of it all would hit me suddenly, and I didn't want it to. I rarely broke down because I knew how hard it was to pick myself up, and I didn't want the day that I couldn't do it to come. I sighed a few times, sure, but I guess that even though I never really liked this place, it was still where I lived for the last years. I guess I shouldn't just move out but move on too.

I then did something desperate, I could say. I sat in the same spot Chris had when he didn't know where to go. Hope keep us going, right? Yes... Well, I waited a few hours there, and nobody ever came. What was I even thinking? That Chris would show up and I'd tell him all my problems and he'd hug me and say not to worry, that he had my back? Probably. But it didn't happen because we don't live in a fairy tale. Now that he had his life sorted out, Chris didn't need me. I wasn't important anymore.

I got up and made my way to the bar. I was on a 6-12 shift, which means I'll have to deal with all the drunk men who cheat on their girlfriends and probably regret it later -for most of them. On the one hand I was glad Greg didn't ask anything when I wanted to work more, but on the other one, I wished someone would've cared enough to see that something wasn't right.

You could think that, as I was getting paid next week, I wouldn't be on the streets for too long and I shoudn't make such a big deal out of it. But the thing is that, to find a new apartment in a week was hard, especially when you didn't earned that much money.  I couldn't live in a hotel for too long either, because it'd be too expensive. I had reserved a room for tonight but it had already cost half of my economies.

"Amelia! Thank god you arrived. Greg is a "I'm so funny" mood and it's the most awful thing thing ever." Vanessa laughed but soon recomposed herself.I smirked. Greg was a great guy, and if he decided to act dumb and make stupid jokes, he had a reason. One that became evident when I spotted Max sat in a corner, all by himself. And my smile dropped too. Why did everything need to be complicated at the same time?

"Can I go check up on him?" I asked Vanessa while pointing at Max. She nodded with a frown.

"May I?" I smiled. Max looked up and rose an eyebrow but nodded anyway. "What's up Maxy?" I whispered. I knew he couldn't have felt better yesterday just because I tried to cheer him up. I knew it wouldn't be this easy.

There was this weird thing about me, like when I try to help someone with their problems, I forget mine for a moment. To be concentrated on someone else's problems makes me feel like mine are not that important, so unsolvable.

"Nothing much." He breathed out. "You? I heard you asked to work something like twenty hours more a week, what's that for?"

Forget what I said, I wasn't glad that someone noticed something was up, either.  "Something must be up, Max. I'm sorry to say this but you are so happy and smiley and hyper, and now you're sat alone in a corner and doesn't even sketch a smile. What is up?" By now, I could feel both Greg and Vanessa's stares on me and Max. I also knew Max felt uncomfortable.