My Mind Never Sleeps (Part Three of the Weasley Trilogy)

You Make It Hard to Smile Because You Make It Hard to Breathe

"Can I tell you a secret?" 

"Of course." 

Xyla had somehow convinced George to sleep on the couch for three days straight, since Fred and I were still fighting. I don't know how she did it, but all I know is that it involved a lot of screaming and broken pranks.  

I felt bad for causing everybody to fight with each other. Even George and Fred were separated, which has never happened before. And it was all my fault, that everyone is deciding to go down different paths. 

"Sometimes I think that we jumped into this too soon," I told my best friend, truthfully. 

She didn't disagree with me. All she did was put her hand on my stomach and nod. 

"I mean, so much could be different if we had taken our time. We were only dating for a few months before we did...this." I motioned to everything around me. 

"If you think about it, you've kind of been together for years," Xyla responded. 

I had to give her points for that one. It had seemed like we'd been dating for years, instead of a few months, and that's probably why I thought it was okay at the time. 

"But we also should have waited it out to see if it would have even worked, because it obviously isn't." 

At this point, Xyla sat up fast and stared daggers into my face. "Don't you dare say that, Ana. You are not getting a divorce." 

I shook my head at her, a look of anger on my face. "I didn't say that!" 

"You were implying it." 

"You don't know what I was implying, because you don't know my mind like I do. I'm just saying that we could have been better off if we didn't fall in love." I was desperate at this point, pushing the pillows away from me so I could catch her if she decided to leave. 

"Ana, you don't understand. These have been the best two years of my life, and if you don't believe in fate, then that's fine. But you're wrong and maybe if everything hadn't have happened the way it had, things would be so much worse. Voldemort might still be alive, I would probably be dead, and you wouldn't have Fred." She screamed all of this at me. 

I started crying at this point. I had never been much of a crier, but I guess the hormones got the best of me and I cracked. I've been doing that a lot lately, and it's been scaring everybody. "Please. PLEASE. Stop yelling at me. I can't afford to lose you, too. My favorite people in the world are already mad at me for being immature, I don't know if I can handle a third." 

She sat back down on the bed and breathed out, slowly. "Ana, of course you aren't alone. You're not losing anybody, and nobody is lost. Fred and George are guys, they'll get over it. Everything is going to be fine, I promise." 

I just shook my head at her and let the tears run freely. "Quit making hollow promises." 

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For the first time in a year, I was left with the memories of New York and the people I met. I had a weird two months there, and I met people I loved. I missed everybody from the home, Alex and Amber and even the twins. 

And I especially missed Charlie. Not a day would go by that I didn't think of him and blamed myself for his death and the way it happened. I didn't understand what had gone wrong and if I really saw my mother through to smoke. 

But that's impossible. The dead don't come back to life. 

Charlie and I had a little thing for those two months that I was there, and it also reminded me about how guilty I was. I promised Fred forever and a day and the moment I thought he was gone forever, I cheated.