Why | EXO

What Should I Do

-January 30, 2016-

Lu Han is in Korea at the moment, sounds nice. I want to see him. I can't. This is nice.

"So, what should it be today? We can play a game, sleep, watch a movie, make food, order food, many options pick one. And we have to do it as a group!" Suho has been trying his best to have the members interact more. 

History has to stop repeating itself, that's what he said.

I need to move on. I need to move on from the heart-wrenching feeling that stabs my soul every second of every day. I need to move on from this mindset of praying he'll come back for me.

He was unhappy, I need to understand that, but geez he needs to get the fact that we were all unhappy through his beautiful skull.

I hope one day I'll understand what to do.

"How about you, Sehunnie?" I looked up to see Baekhyun unusually close to my face.

"You've been spaced out for about 10 minutes, what are you thinking about?" Chanyeol questioned me.

"Let's get boba tea."

Everyone went quiet, you can cut the tension with a small knife.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, if you guys come with me, I'll do whatever you want to do." They smiled and got ready. I walked into my room and was backed hugged by someone, I didn't want to turn around.

"I know it's hard if you need to talk about it, I'm here." It was Baekhyun, he can be the sweetest at times.

"Thank you but there's nothing to say."

-14:00-

Everyone was laughing and having a grand old time. They were playing blindfolded tag around one of our largest studios.

"Tag! You're it!" It was too loud to hear who exactly it was but I went along with it. I stepped around and stretched my arms around, some giggles were being heard but they were in every direction.

"Hey, hey, it's me!" Two voices were heard, one was Minseok and one was Jongin. My lip bled as I tried to look for the people around me.

"Where are you guys?" I started to walk a bit faster to see if anyone would pop up.

"Over here!"

"No over here!" 

I kept hearing footsteps run around the room.

"C'mon, it's not that hard. Here, tag me." I reached out but they stepped back.

"Sehunnie, did you really think I was gonna let you do that?" He chuckled, they reminded me of Lu Han when he used to tease me.

Before I knew it, a tear ran down my face.

"Hey, I was kidding... Are you sure you're okay?" He took off the blindfold, leaving all the members to die out their laughter

Baekhyun's eyes just stared into mine with the greatest concern I've ever received while in EXO.

"I'm okay, just tired." My voice cracked on the last part. It wasn't very convincing.

"Sehun, please-"

"Just go do something else. I'm going home."

The door slammed shut like someone was shoved into it.

-15:00-

I was finally back to the place of the dead.

All I feel is the pain in my heart, I'm in the best position any person can ever be in and all I feel is the pain. Maybe a shower would cleanse my torment.

I loved you and you left. I loved you and you didn't give a single shit about me. I loved you while you loved someone else.

Tell me what to do, help me, love me, I'm begging you.

Make this break stop crushing me. I'm trying to live my damn life and you come to my mind only to tear me down.

-?-

I came back to check on Sehun but I heard sobs and walked towards it. He was crying and screaming into the air. 

I've never seen this side of him before, I just thought it was him growing up that made him so quiet.

I never knew it was the pain and agony inside his heart.

-Sehun, 19:00-

It took me a while to calm down but I did.

I didn't know people could cry until there were dry tears.

"Hey, Sehun, want some food?"

I jump at Baekhyun's voice, I didn't know he was there.

"Yeah, sure... Let me just change..." He smiled and walked back to the kitchen. I wonder how long he was there. 

I changed into comfortable clothes and did my regular after shower routine.

When I went into the kitchen, I heard Suho and Yixing talk, again, being the little shit I am, I listened. Please don't let him be next.

"If what he said is true, then we really must be clueless... Is this why they left?" I could hear Yixing shuffle around and hug Suho.

"No, of course not. They left for their own reasons, whether it was us or not, it doesn't matter anymore. Sehun must be going through a lot right now, all we can do is be there for him when he needs us to be."

"What if he leaves...?" I won't.

"He won't, he needs to heal, Suho, now let's eat, okay?" He nods and that's my cue to come in.

"Hey, guys, what's for dinner?" I masked my tired voice with some fake enthusiasm.

"Chicken! Your favorite, my friend!" Kai slapped my back and laughed lightly.

Tell me, what should I do now that you're gone?