back to your love; van mccann

part 14

chapter fourteen

van

after charlotte fell back asleep, i tried my hardest but could not fall asleep either. must be the jet lag, i assume but my mind is a crazy haze. 9 am soon came around and charlotte began to stir, waking up finally.

"van? what.." she starts when she realizes i'm in the bed and here with her.

joe called me last night and told me what happened.. why?" i ask tentatively, awkwardly looking off and she takes a deep breath.

"i haven't been in the best place, van.. you should know that. and i really don't wanna have this conversation at nine in the morning." she says and i slowly sit up, separating myself from her.

"charlotte, you have to talk about it at some point! i put my band on the line and came all the way from australia just because i was worried about you!" i raise my voice and she flinches.

"i'm fine, van. and i have never asked you to put your band at risk for me! i would never do that." she raises her voice too and i sigh, running a hand through my hair.

i find myself standing up out of the bed, pacing back and forth before i even realize it. she slowly pulls the covers over her a little more, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"i need you to tell me why." i say, stopping my pacing.

"why what?" she asks confused, but deep down i know she knows what i mean.

"why did you sleep with him? why did you have to go and ruin us, charlotte?"

"i've told you this, van."

"i want the real fucking reason!" i yell, causing her to flinch.

"it's hard, okay! i don't know where to start, and i can't accept the fact that i love you and him. it's killing me because i don't want to lose either one of you." she says and i freeze, my eyes widening. i basically already knew they loved each other, i just didn't want to hear it come from her mouth.

"i bloody knew it.. i can't do this, charlotte." i mutter, not looking at her and i hear her get out of the bed and then she's in front of me.

" please don't say that, van.. i need you. if i were to choose, it'd be you."

"that's the thing, you shouldn't even be choosing anyone. i should be the only one." i say, and her eyes start to water, leaning forward to rest her forehead on my chest, causing me to tense up.

it's quiet for awhile and we've stayed in this position, me not bothering to wrap my arms around her because i don't know what to feel at the moment.

"i got pregnant, van." she mutters quietly after a few minutes and even though she whispers, i hear it and my eyes go wide, my jaw clenching.

"and i didn't know what to do... i didn't know if it was yours or bondy's.. you guys were on tour and i racked my brain over how the hell i let that happen." she says, leaning off me with her eyes closed she doesn't have to look me in the eye.

"why the fuck didn't you tell anyone, charlotte?" i snap at her and she looks up at me immediately.

"i don't know! i didn't want to put your tour on hold because i know you and i know you would fly back as soon as i told you."

"well you should've because now i've just done it and probably ruined my fucking band!" i yell, pacing back and forth once again. "what did you do with it?"

"i-i couldn't.. i um, had a miscarriage before i could even process it." she cries, and i stop my pacing, feeling my heart sink to my stomach even though i've just learned about the baby and it might not even be mine.

"does bondy know?" i say, the first thing i can even think to say.

"no... and i don't even know if i should tell him. everything's already gone to shit anyway and it's going to make everything worse." she speaks through tears and i sigh, walking to her and bringing her to me, holding her as she cries.

-

the next day, i find myself at our label's building in london, taking a deep breath before walking into the building to face the shit storm that is about to happen.

"oh, look who decided to fucking show up!" bob yells, and i my eyes widen because he never talks to anyone that way.

"lads, i'm sorry. i'll handle it with our producers, don't worry." i say, taking my sunglasses off as i take a seat next to larry on one of the couches in the living room.

"mate, you obviously haven't been checking your emails because they're kicking us off the label. they've already made it official." benji sighs, taking a sip from his coffee while rolling his eyes.

"then why the hell are we here?" i ask confused.

"they need us to sign some papers. you really did it this time, van." bondy mutters and i clench my fists, shooting him a glare.

"so what was it this time?" larry asks, and i sigh before looking at him.

"charlotte made herself sick by drinking to much, joe had to call me and tell me she was a crying mess." i say, and the lads groan even though they probably knew it had to do with her.

"so we're losing our label because of a girl? i honestly can't believe this." bob mumbles, running his hand through his hair.

"why did you have to go because of that?" larry asks and i shrug, playing with a loose thread on my pants.

"i was worried shitless about her. joe said she almost had to go to the hospital."

"ever since you two broke up, you haven't spoken a word about her. so don't give us that shit about how much you worry about her." bob says and i scoff.

"oh fuck off, bob. i was extremely close to proposing to her. but john over here had to go and fuck that up." i snap back, sick of their shit.

"van, you've been dating her for 8 years! you should've proposed to her a long fucking time ago. she probably got bored, seemed like it when we were in bed together anyways." bondy says and i clench my jaw, larry having to get in between us as i stand up so we don't get into a fighting match.

"would you shut the fuck up! you ruined everything, bondy! charlotte got pregnant for fucks sake! she had a miscarriage and you don't think i should be worried about her?! go fuck yourself." i yell, shoving larry off and grab my jacket, making my way out of the building and driving away from my band mates.

-

thanks for reading guys!! I started this story like a year ago wowowow lol It doesn't feel like it.. but thanks for all the votes and everything means a lot to me! comment too please :-)