Forgetting Them All, Remembering the Few (OC fanfic)

Chapter 14

Axl's Pov

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Currently I'm crying into Jean's arms and I am actually suprised. Im never this weak infront of someone else, especially someone younger than me. This time though I dont really care. Its all catching up to me, the horrible things I did, how many people I've killed, what things I've stole. Its all hitting me at the same time and I cant really handle it. I just need someone to let my emotions out on. I soon hear people screaming my name and I want to make a run for it, but Jean just holds me closer and pets my head.

"Its okay. Just stay right here. I promise I will calm them down and be back. Okay?" He said in a calm voice. I nod my head and he stands up. He walked toward the cadets looking for me and talked to them. Then I heard screaming and then crying. Scouts ran toward me and yanked my hands behind my back. They walked me to Erwin's office, shoved me inside, and slammed the door. Erwin stared at me with disapproval in his eyes.

"Axl. I've been waiting for the day you would be in here." He stood up and walked towards me. I was confused but before I could say anything Erwin was...hugging...me. This just made me cry even more. I squeezed him back and stained his jacket with tears and he just squeezed me even more.

"When I was thinking about making you a squad leader I knew you would snap eventually. Before you came on for the graduation ceremony I told everyone that if you ever turn titan without my permission, when you turn back to take you to me." He backed away from me but I just clinged to his mid-section. This is the first hug I've gotten from him ever and I didnt want it to end just yet.

"So are you gonna stop me from being a leader now? Do I get my team taken away from me?" I asked. I really didnt want to stop being a leader, it gave me a kind of powerful feeling. I loved it.

"No, but we are gonna switch up the groups a little. You'll still have Christa and Jean, but Reiner and Bertholdt will be switched. You were with them when you got angry. Right?" I nodded and he hugged me a little tighter and let me go, still keeping a hand on my shoulder. I could tell he didnt want to let me go either.

"Axl, this seems like the perfect time to say something. I am genuinely sorry for leaving you. I shouldnt have done it at all and I accept everything you did to me. I understand completely. I didnt think I could handle having a child and leaving seemed like the best option. Now you have titan blood running through your veins and it's all my fault. Will you ever forgive me?" His eyes started getting glossy. I could tell this was real and that those were real tears. Erwin was truly sorry for what he did.

"I forgive you... Dad." I cried even harder and he did too. This is the first time I've actually called him 'dad' in about 13 years. It was a very sentimental moment that I wasnt ready for, but I still got through it and finally have a father figure I can look up to instead of hate.

"But what about Jean? They beat him up to take me and I didnt get to see him." I asked. Jean was the only one who tried to care for me. I want to thank him.

"He's most likely in the infirmary." Erwin said through sobs. I stepped back and said my goodbyes. Then I headed toward the infirmary and people stared at me as I walked through the building. Its probably because I still have tears on my face. I dont really know, but all I want think about now is Jean. He said before that he hates me, but I dont know if he feels the same way now.

I finally get to the infirmary and Jean is laying in a bed with a huge black eye amd scratches all over his face and body. I kneel down next to him and touch his arm. I hit a cut and he winces in pain. I jerk my hamd back and apologize.

"Sorry." He looks at me with the same calm face from before.

"No, Its fine. These nurses have touched my scars enough its just a reflex at this point." I instantly feel a wave of guilt pass over me.

"No. I mean for all of this. You wouldn't have been here if it wasnt for me. It's all my fault. Every single last bit of it. I just had to go and turn into my titan. I just had to run away from home. I just had to exist." Tears started falling for the third time today. This is the most I've cried all my life and it's unbelievable I havent become dehydrated at this point from all the water I'm losing. Jean looks at me with a sad face and soon starts crying too. He pulls me into his chest and moves me so I dont hurt him. We just stay like that for a good five minutes.