Meliora

When will it end?

How could I be so foolish? I should have known he would never hurt me and now I had fucked up. The Second was actually going to become Pope once again, he pretty much stole it from his brother and I had a part in that. Just to know that guilt rested on my shoulder as well killed me. I cared for him and I knew Papa loved me but what did I do? I turned my back on him. I groan as I open my door. How could I ever face him again. I take my habit off and throw myself onto the couch and close my eyes. What the hell was I going to do? The weeks leading up to the Blood Moon was interesting to say the least. Day by day the atmosphere would completely change and Papa would distance himself farther from the clergy. I still couldn't even face him even though my silence only guaranteed that I would be loosing him. But now that the big day had finally arrived I could do nothing more than to face up to what I have done. Every detail of the day seemed stronger in a sense, the small things I never gave much thought to now seemed to almost jump out at me. I sigh as I slowly force myself up out of the bed and over to the window. The dark clouds hung low, giving the appearance of almost touching the ground. However the weather seemed fitting for the events that would soon be taking place. Maybe I would have a chance to talk to him today? However that was unlikely considering all of us would be assigned multiple jobs to do so that only made the chance of actually having a word with Papa  very unlikely.  I sight as I sit back down on the bed and sigh as I take a deep breath and try to collect my thoughts. I haven't even been awake for that long and my mind is already spinning. I bite my lip then lay back onto the bed and sigh. I felt like shit and I just wanted everything to stop but at the same time I knew for a fact I had a responsibility to do. I needed to talk to Papa before it would end up being too late. I walk over to my closet and quickly take out my dress and habit. Maybe I could catch him in the kitchen? That would be perfect.  Hell I would be happy catching him anywhere just as long as I can try to explain myself to him. I put my habit on then fix my rosary and walk out into the corridor, finding it as busy as I expected to be. I just keep my head down as I start pushing past people, literally holding my breath as I walk up to the kitchen door. I stand there hesitantly for a few minutes then bite my lip as I reach for the handle and open the door. As I walk into the kitchen I feel my heart sink into my stomach. There were brothers and sisters running all around but no sign of Papa and made it me sick. Great, I knew it was a horrible idea to even get my hopes up. That was stupid on my behalf unfortunately but whatever if I'm lucky then I will bump into him.  Omega glances over at me. "Ah sister Pandora, there you are. I was wondering where you would be working today." I smile a bit as I walk over to him. "I didn't exactly have a certain assigned place, I was actually looking for someone." Omega places the pan into the stove and nods. "Ah I see..would it be a certain Pope you are looking for?" I started to feel sick as I heard those words leave his mouth. "Yeah..I really need to talk to him." Omega turns to face me as he sighs. "I heard many different rumors but look it's more than likely you are not going to find him. He's getting ready for tonight. I don't want to make things worse so all I will say is tonight at the ball just be ready to say what you need to say because you never know if you will have the chance again." I sigh. "Yeah, I started to get that feeling. But I know what I have to do and I will get that taken care of. Anyway there are plenty of things to do around here so I will see you around later." He nods. "Alright sister, but please take care." I nod. "Always." I say in a soft tone as I walk out the door. I decided to help with what I could out in the courtyard. The weather surprisingly cleared up but still no signs of Papa. As many times as I put on that fake smile I still couldn't stop thinking about him. I really let the Second win. How the hell could I be so blind? So no, there would be no happiness of Papa announcing his position will be permanent, and announcing who his sister of sin would be but instead he would be saying his goodbyes to the whole clergy he loved. Come hell or high water I was going to talk to him, I wasn't even looking his forgiveness I just wanted him to stay, even if that meant me having to leave. I didn't care as long as he stayed and he was happy. Once the work was done I made my way to the bath house and took a long shower. I just lose myself as I close my eyes as the hot water beats against my back. I was half way into relaxation until the thought had popped into my mind. The Second was more than likely going to attend which meant what lengths would he go to in order to stop me from talking to Papa and clearing things up? The over thinking was actually starting to give me a head ache. I groan and shut the water off. It felt like even when I think things could work out more negativity comes into play. I just couldn't catch a damn break here.