The doctor walks over and then explains all the procedures he performed on me. Then his face turns somber and he says "I am so sorry miss..We weren't able to save your baby's life. I regrettably inform you that you miscarried. I am deeply sorry for the loss of yall's baby." I don't say anything and the doctor excuses himself, giving me and Dreux privacy. Dreux is studying me and quickly realizes that I already knew I was pregnant. "You knew already didn't you..you knew you were pregnant with that bitch's baby and you didn't tell me.." He is angry, it's written all over his face. "That is why I left..I went to the store to buy a test.." His nostrils flair "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME ILLIANÀ??" I reach for his hand and he pulls away. "How long have you suspected you were pregnant??" I can't look at him..I can't even speak. He gets up and walks out the door.
Hours later he returns and plops in the chair next to my bed. He thinks I am sleep. "Illianà why wouldn't you just tell me??..You should have told me. I would've bought you the test. I would have been there when you found out....You didn't have to go through that alone. Don't you know I will always be here for you. I would've helped you process it, helped you deal with it. You wanted to keep it didn't you, thats why you didn't tell me when you suspected it might be true??...." I then break the silence after he pauses his speech. "I couldn't tell you Dreux I didn't want it to be real. I had only suspected it for a week or so. I couldn't tell you I thought I was pregnant with Jay's baby....I couldn't accept it. I couldn't even accept that he raped me and got me pregnant too. That I could be stuck with a piece of him forever..No I didn't want to keep it. I didn't tell you because...." He stares. "Why?? Why couldn't you tell me??" I breathe deeply. "I couldn't bring myself to tell you because I didn't want my first child to be his..that baby wasn't suppose to be his!!..It should have been yours!!"
He was quiet for a while. Just staring at my face, my sore bruised face. My sore bruised face he was again too late to save me from. I watched him come to that conclusion mentally and his face fell. "It isn't your fault Dreux." He sighs deeply. "I'm never there when you need me the most. Of course this is my fault..AGAIN....I let you down again. I couldn't be there to protect you AGAIN-" I am angry now. "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT DREUX!! Its mine. I knew I shouldn't have left the house alone..I was so damn embarrassed. So damn disappointed in myself for being so stupid again.." He grabbed my face and I winced from the pain but he assumed I didn't want him touching me again, his face fell again. I grabbed his hand. He was even shocked for a moment, then interlaced his fingers with mine. I even fell asleep like that, his hands holding mine.
The next morning when I awoke, Dreux's head was resting on my lap and he was still holding my hand. I lightly traced his gorgeous face with my fingers. "I Love You Dreux..I am so sorry I keep breaking your heart. I am so sorry I keep causing you pain..I just don't know how to be the woman you fell in love with again yet. I don't know how to be the woman you need right now. I am so sorry I put you through all this. I'm sorry I can't show you how much you mean to me..how much I love you. I just don't know how. Not after all that has happened to me. I hope you can be patient with me a bit longer..I am just not quite ready for us yet. I hope you can understand that.." After finishing my speech I fall back asleep. He sits up and caresses my cheek. "I will wait as long as you need me to. I will be here for you. ALWAYS. I Love You Illianà. I Love You more than my next breath. I Love You to the moon and back. I will wait for you. I would wait forever for you. I couldn't even give up on you if I tried, you are my world Illianà..we can take it Nice & Slow..for however long you need us to. You are worth the wait. ALWAYS..I am so sorry I walked out. I was just so sad that you didn't think you could tell me. I would never hurt you the way he has Illianà. I could never put my hands on your beautiful face and cause you pain. Hurting you would only be hurting myself. I Love you far too much to ever lose you." He kisses my forehead and lays his head back in my lap and drifts back off into a much needed sleep....
