Rebels Never Smile

Elvis

Elvis: Deaf ears

The past few days were especially sad. I slept late, woke late and my eyes then had dark circles under them. I stayed home so I could get her off my mind. But I remember everything about her. Her beautiful blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders. Her long lashes batting 100 mph when she's about to cry. Her full lips pulling back to reveal a set of beautiful pearly teeth. But most of all how caring she is. Or how caring I THOUGH she was. She had me like puppy, thinking the world of her.

Mama was always home, always tryna cheer me up. One windy night, I was in the living room with the door open and I was just staring our the door, looking at the stars, wondering what June was doing. Mama came out with a blanket wrapped around her and she stood in the doorway watching me. " Go to bed mama, I'm just watching the stars." I said honestly. " Baby, what is troubling you so?" She asked walking towards me. She sat on the ground next to my legs. " How does it feel to be hurt by the person you love?" I asked. " I don't know baby, I ain't never been hurt like that." She looked down at the ground. I looked at my hands that were on my lap and I sat up. " I like this girl- she has... the brightest personality, she's exceptionally kind and she likes me, although I treat her like crap- and I was gonna court her, only to be brutally rebuffed." Mama furrowed her eyebrows in concentration. " I don't know what you want me to say son." She whispered. I sighed. I didn't know either. " Son, you gotta make that decision yourself, you gotta know what you want to do. I ain't always gonna be here to tell you what to do and now that your almost of age, you gotta start thinking about making your own decisions". "I know mama." I sighed again. And with that Mama walked away, turning only as she got to the hallway to give me one last pitiful look.

A few days later, I was sitting on my bed, listening to some blues records when I heard mama come home. She told me earlier that she was going to the supermarket. I wanted to help her but I had to use the bathroom first. When I came out, I called for her to find her in the doorway smiling. " Mama what you lookin' at? Is daddy home?" I said kissing her forehead. " No dear, a sweet little girl walked me all the way home, and helped me with the groceries". She replied. " Really? That's pretty nice." I said looking out the door to see if I could see anyone. I didnt. "She left not too long ago but I know you would've liked her." She winked at me. " She sure was a looker, and pretty too, like a doll." I smiled, only to seem interested in the conversation when really, June penetrated my mind. Hoping to change the conversation, I quickly said " So what did you get?" And rummaged through the bags. She closed the door and slapped my hands away. " Boy you better wait till dinner." And she began talking about the girl again. " I invited her back someday so maybe y'all could talk." And I groaned in response. " awe mama, really?" And she walked into the kitchen. " I'm clear as crystal Elvis, I have a good feelin' about her."

After daddy arrived, mama set the table and we all ate, stopping to talk and laugh. Later I turned on the radio and turned the music to WDIA which I called ' The Mother Station Of The Negroes'. They had all the music I loved, and I believe the Blacks' are genius' in making music. They give music a certain feeling that whites can't quite accomplish. I brought out my guitar that mama bought me when I was a kid and began to strum a few chords. I never learned to play but I played by sound. I was nowhere near good although my voice had been developing into something valuable. I played for such a long time, I hadn't noticed it had gotten late. I turned the music to gospel when mama came to sew in the night, giving daddy the opportunity to sleep while she could work with the lights on. I mumbled and played softly, and by no time, mama and me were humming and singing together.

I couldn't help but think about June. Was she thinking of me? Never mind, I shook my head. Why would she? I kissed mamas cheek and retired to my room while mama listened to gospel. I put my guitar in the corner and sighed as I jumped onto my bed. I peeled of my shirt and dress pants and got comfortable underneath the covers. I was going to school tomorrow and I wasn't gonna let a silly infatuation get the best of me. And I gotta think about mama. She been taking care of me and my dream was to own a gas station and make enough money instead of scraping by like we always do. It ain't daddy's fault though, he got a bad back and mama always does work when we have no money to spare.