[BOOK 1] More Than This

-18-

THE HEARTBREAK

[Ethan's POV]

I let the warm water drip into my body. I need this to calm down myself. The mix emotion I felt when Kinzy kissed me and brushed our erection. I'm afraid. All the memories I want to bury in the deepest core of the Earth come rushing back in my brain. It had me frozen and trembled and tears. I don't know what to do. I can say I'm ready for him when I kiss him back but those memories with my father done those things to me, imprisoned me still after 5 years.

I open the water valve and let it strongly flowed over the floor then I cry hard. The last thing I wanted was to see Kinzy turned his back to me because I fuck up the supposed to be our first night together. I won't wonder if I step out and he was gone already. This is my entire fault.

After, maybe, 15 minutes of feeling so devastated and all. I decided to step out of the bathroom and face the reality that Kinzy has already left me alone. Oh God, he was the first human I've liked after all that's happen to me, the first one in five years I let to touch me, the first one I kiss without thinking about my devil-spawn-father's face and the one I can sleep without even having those nightmares from years and I let him go.

I was frozen when I saw him leaning on the headboard while scrolling his phone. He was wearing the sweat pants and the white t-shirt I prepared for him earlier. It was a little small for him but he didn't mind it. That's the largest size of clothes I have. I'm happy that he didn't left. Oh, thanks heaven above.

He smiles when he saw me and then tapped the bed beside him and I complied. I hug him tight when I get close to him.

"Hey, you okay?" he asks while caressing my back.

I nodded. "Thanks."

"For what?"

I lift my head and look at him awhile he was looking at me carefully too. "For not leaving me,"

"Why should I leave you?"

I sit straightly with my head still leaning on his chest. I can feel his heart pounding and then slowly calming like a sea after the storm.

"Ethan," he said, and I silently release the air from my lungs that I didn't realize I was holding and I hummed as a response to him. "I'm sorry for the earlier," He said and I know what he was saying.

"I'm fine, you don't have to coz it's my fault." I said.

He group my face and carefully face it to him, "No, baby, it's my fault. I shouldn't force you." He said.

"You didn't force me," I answer him with a shaky tone, "I want it too, I want to give everything to you coz that's the least I can do,"

"Ethan, you don't have to do the things you're not comfortable with and I'll be hurt if you did it just because you thought you have to,"

"Kinzy,"

"No baby, next time I will ask you if it's okay," he said while grouping my face with his left hand, "Okay?"

I nodded, "I'm fine with that." I smile at him and he melts. He hugged me closer to him in sideway.

We stay in that position until we both felt the urge to lie down and sleep. I sleep on his chest while my hand was wrapping around his waist. His left arm is caressing my back and the other hand was tracing my arm like it was some kind of a mace.

And we fall asleep.

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I was woken up by the ring of my alarm clock at the night stand. I rub my eyes gently then reach for the device and turn it off. I combed my hair in frustration. I barely sleep last night since this overly gorgeous human being is in my bed and his hand are wrapping around my waist, back hugging me.