Safaa

Chapter Thirty Three

When everyone seems to be against you,you tend to throw away all of your weapons.My heart has been heavy since he told me about his upcoming wedding,the numbness I felt multiplied,I became like a statue as I watch them all go frenzy getting ready for the wedding.It felt like a dream,too surreal to be true.

Oblivious of whatever happens around me,I didn't realise it's already a day before we go back to Nigeria.I didn't have it in me to pack my things,so the housemaid did all of it for me.

I cried to my Mama,instead of consoling me,she scolded me for being insecure,she believes if a woman frets when her husband wants to take a second wife then that lady has lots of insecurities to tackle.

I couldn't do anything to make him change his mind,he's hell bent on taking Zarah as his wife and because my religion allows him to take four wives as long as he'll be just and equal to each one of them,I accepted the idea wholeheartedly,atleast he nows talks to me though we're not back to normal,I doubt if we will ever be like we used to be.

"Safaa quit zoning out" Abidah who never fails to visit me since Yaya Ahmad dropped the bomb grumbled putting some of my designs in a duffel bag.

"I didn't zone out,what were you saying?" I asked her.

"I said you're always glowing,How I wish you're pregnant"

"Gosh Abidah,I promise I'll take a pregnancy test when we reach Nigeria In shaa Allah"

"Yayyy Yes please" She squealed.

"So for now stop talking about pregnancy,you're making my situation worst" I wiped a lone tear which fell from my eyes unknowingly.

"Awwnn Baby,come here"

"Abidah I never thought Yaya Ahmad will think of taking a second wife soon,we're just married for four years 8 months now..." I sniffed.

"I know Safaa" She patted my back.

"I thought what we had was so perfect,believe me Abidah your brother and I never had a fight that's not caused by Mama,I don't know why she hates me that much,how can someone have so much hatred in his heart? I've always treated her the way I treat my own Mama albeit knowing she dislikes me,I made sure not to do things that displease her,I love eating rice Ummu Shuraim but because she hates rice I don't even cook it when she's around,I craved for it one day and when I cooked it,do you know what she did? She made a fuss that I know she hates the mere sight of rice but I made it,Yaya Ahmad rebuked me for it too,for the last two months I haven't eaten rice unless when I visit you..." I sobbed trying hard to muffle it with the aid of my palms.

"Safaa please stop" Abidah sniffled,she understands my pain because she's aware of her stepmom's atrocities.

"It's all so hard to believe the person I love so much,the one whose presence just warms my heart now despises me,but you know what? Even if I die today I'll remember him not as the one who broke my heart but as the person who showed me how to love,I know what it feels like to be loved all thanks to him.Abidah you will believe me if I tell you I have never held a man's hand except his own right? Yet he's accusing me of such outrageous sin,I don't know if anything will heal me,I don't know if I love your brother anymore,I don't know if I can stay in this marriage any longer..." I stopped to catch my breath.

"Safaa I know you're hurt,what you're feeling is unimaginable but please just calm down" She hugged me tighter and just kept quite probably listening to my erratic heartbeat.

I continued crying uncontrollably,not because he's marrying Zarah but because I know I've lost a cherishable relationship just because I was trying to help someone in need of my assistance but Allah knows my intentions were pure.