|Side Chapter: [Do Kyungsoo] You Promised, To Take Me Away.|
What I am never really mattered, because, all my life I never wanted to be anything. I never even wanted to be Do Kyungsoo. That’s what I kept repeating to myself as I sit on the lawn of somewhere I don’t know. Looking at everything else, nothing seems to be significantly different from the others. Nothing stands out, not even me.
The firmament was never blue or navy or any shades of it, only dark, blackish to be more precise. I tried diverting them to the vast sea of grass that trapezes back and forth with the blowing wind; each one was neither green nor greener from the start. As far as I could remember, they remained the same, just the full dull grey which never seemed to get old. And the stars, moon, and lights that played in the city from afar glints like they had always have; a compiling of pale white blurs that reached past the point of sickening in the eyes.
This is my world.
In here, nothing will change. I’ll live this life of mine as if I’m dead, no colors. And maybe the next day, if ever it is granted, my story will be finished without even one person knowing it.
Isn’t that just the greatest? Being alone.
Kyungsoo scrunches at the crack of heat penetrating from the only window of his small four-walled room, eyes peeking at the once shadowy horizon in his dream that suddenly turned itself into the quick cornered transition of ragged flooring to wall. The wind that softly brushes through his hair and a portion of his cheeks now seemed hard and cold, rough and itchy to the skin with all the clutters left lying on the concrete where he lays, guessing he must have rolled off last night.
These, were nothing new. The desolating dream, he’s had it quite a few times in a row, and if he gets lucky enough, he’d be dreaming of it for the whole entire week, only to catch it in his sleep again the next coming days. No bed, the futon serves as his comfort, arms as his pillows and a thin sheet of pristine blankets makes a shield for the frosting cold, remembering at times that as long as he curls up and sticks his body to the wall, enough heat will eventually build up and get him through.
Being alone, he had nowhere else to run to, only the Kim’s who were close friends with his deceased parents’ even before the time he and Junmyeon had been born, raising him like one of their own. They were the ones to give him everything he wanted, all the love and care that he needed. And growing up, Kyungsoo realized that he can’t live like this any longer, he can’t stay forever under their support because he thinks that it’s not his to begin with. That his debts to them grew more and more with each passing days, even if it was only him counting. So he decides to leave, be independent also for his sake, bidding the Kim’s all the deserve thanks for everything they’ve done and kept on doing – for him and his life.
Once the relentlessness of the night is over, he realizes that today is yet another day; one more day to live through the harshness, only to see himself die all over again at the end of it.
He sees things differently, dark, pessimism oozing onto the outer layers of his whole being. Happiness? To smile? To be happy? Define the terms. What does it truly mean? Because, he never learned such things. Knowing what they meant is enough to say that he has known it. No more, no less. Because these words bear lies behind each one, and he’s damn tired of living in it.
