Tour Baby | L.P

Chapter 14 - At Least Friends?

After spending the whole day with my baby, I was glad for the little bit of sleep I did get that night. As fun and amazing that was i was exhasted.

The rest of the day Liam and I kept going with baby steps. I really wanted the relationship too work again, or at least friends for right now. But did he really wanna be with me again?

After our little moment in the bedroom, which sounds really dirty...it wasn't lol. But after that moment it was kinda akward at first if it was just us too but the moment Jackson came into the picture it's like nothing happened. All the awkwardness went away, it's like we were a family again.

I sat in bed staring at the ceiling just rethinking the recent events, today and yesterday. I will never get that bad again. Yeah I still always have anxiety before i go too sleep just in case I have another nightmare, I can't go through that again. So I call Lottie, hopefully she's still awake.

Within 2 rings she picked up.

"Hey C, what's up? Everything okay?" She asked with a little bit of worry in her voice.

"I still love him ,Lots. I'm still in love with him." I said letting off a breath. I looked over too my baby fast asleep right next too me in bed. I needed this. This bond, especially after yesterday.

"I know babes, I know." She said letting out a sigh. I didn't know what else too say. So I blurt it out.

"We had a moment..." I said trying not too cry, I'm getting better.

"What do you mean you had a moment?" She asked. No worry, or sadness, just curiosity.

"I was holding Jackson and he came up and we kinda held him together. Then Liam whiped my tear from my cheek and we both leaned in. We would've kissed if Jackson didn't start crying. That could've been bad. This is the power he has over me." I said sighing.

"Oh babes, but don't you wanna kiss him." She asked.

"More than anything, but I can't give in yet. What if he turns around and hurts me again and again. I can't go through that again. " I said letting out a shaky sigh.

"I know hun. But from what Louis has told me. Liam wants you back so much. When you were in your trance yesterday Louis told me Liam was worried sick and felt so guilty. He broke down. Apparently he punched the couch and almost the wall but Louis stopped him. Girl he still loves you. " she said and It made my breath hitch.

He can't still love me. He broke down because of me? He was worried and felt guilty. As he should, no...it was my fault that I let it get this far. I don't know what too think anymore.

"Really...." I breathed out. Surprised she heard me.

"Yeah. Girl he's still madly in love with you. Just try and make amends. Try and he friends, talk it out. But don't give your full trust too him yet." Lottie said and she made totally sense.

"I just don't know anymore. Are you sure I shouldn't just try and move on. I mean I'm so in love with Liam but it's breaking me and should I take care of myself. Shouldn't I get rid of the thing that's hurting me?" I asked realizing I might actually be letting go of Liam for good this time.

She breathed in.

"Babes, that sounds right. But once you get your mind figured out and you still love him do what your heart says." Lots said.  I didn't know what too think anymore.

"Okay well I got too get too bed. I got my first day at  work tomorrow so I gotta get up early and get ready along with take Jackson too a day care becasue Liam and the boys have sound check. Thank you so much Lots. I love you so much." I said running a hand through my hair.

"Anytime my love. I'm always here. Love you so much as well. Night" She said and we hung up.

I just didn't know what too do anymore. I mean maybe I'll find someone at my work that's cute, and nice that will treat me right. But I love Liam, so much. I just didn't know anymore.

I looked down at my sleeping baby boy next too me. He had his arms above his head as he was sleeping on his back. He was in my side and had the cutest cheeks in the world. I could never give this up. Ever. He needs me and I need him.

Kissing his forehead and saying I Love You one more time i feel asleep right next too my pride and joy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That next morning I woke up too that annoying apple alarm clock. I swear I need too change that. Turning it off I groaned but I knew I needed too get up. I sat up and looked around trying too wake up for a second. I realised Jackson was asleep so I went too go take a quick shower. Leaving the door open just in case he wakes up and starts crying.

Well taking my shower I looked down too wash my legs and I saw them. The scars, the mental battle I had that night. I remembered it all. The fight you have with yourself before you do it. Holding the sharp object in your hand, while your shaking, sobbing uncotrablely and just looking at the spot you wanna put them at. Imagining them there, how your gonna hid them, how people are gonna react too it. Everything, it's so exhasting. But then you do it. And emeditlly you regret it. Feeling terrible, as if you just did it too the most important  person in your life. I mean you somewhat did. When Louis first saw them he broke down in front of me. Repeating the question why and I thought you were better.

I never knew what too say too that. It broke me too see him broken like that and it was all my fault so I hated myself even more.

Getting out of that thought I finished washing my body and then hair and then I heard the cry. I got out as fast as I could. Wrapped my hair and body in a towel and walked back into the room too see Jackson laying on the bed crying.

"What's wrong with my baby boy? Huh, are you hungry? Is that it? Okay here." I said with a smile on my face and giggling at him.

I lifted my towel down so he could latch on and went on my phone going through my notifications while he fed. Checking my feed and all. I noticed I and a text from Louis.

Left for sound check early. Well be home later. Hope you have an amazing first day at your new job. Your gonna have too pick Jackson up from daycare though when your done. Sorry, we have a writing session. Love ya sis xo

I smiled at that text and wrote

Okay, it's all good. Have fun and good luck on everything. Love you bro xo

Shutting my phone off Jackson was done. So I dressed him in a little shirt that said Baby on bored with a monkey on it and some cute yellow shorts. I got his baby bag ready and then got ready myself.

Doing my makeup and hair while still keeping him entertained. The i put my uniform on, grabbed my phone, Jackson and his bag and we were off.