Oxygen (Catfish And The Bottlemen/1975)

Benji

"No," I shrugged blankly looking at our management team, I could feel the rest of the band with their eyes on me, I was the kid in everyone's peripheral vision and I was about to make a scene. "I'm not gonna do that,"

"Mate..." Started Larry sensing the tension rise. I looked to Van with his hands shoved in his pockets, Bondy with his head down.

"No," I shrugged again, unable to believe what they were asking me.

"Look Ben I know this seems a bit over the top but, when youre in the public eye you have a responsibility..."

"Andy you can pitch this too me any which way you want, its not gonna change the fact that at the heart of it, you're being not only sexist, but also a bit of a twat..." I cut him off. I saw Van smirking a little impressed by my scathing statement. The others looked on a little shocked. It was rare that I spoke up or started something, but having been asked what had just been asked of me, I couldn't let it slide.

"I'm not proposing you break up with her, I'm proposing you be a little more subtle is all," he said with a coaxing smile but I wasn't stupid.

"You want me to pretend there's nothing going on between us..." I said blankly, confused when he nodded his head.

"Exactly now youre getting it! Its just pretend though mate it hardly makes a difference!" He grinned, I saw Van roll his eyes to the back of his head and Bondy grit his teeth, holding his tongue because this had nothing to do with him.

"Right and if your girlfriend started suddenly pretending like she didnt know you, you wouldn't mind that? That would be a big deal?" I raised my brow skeptically, "how do you think Kate's gonna feel if I suddenly drop her?"

"She'll feel fucking ecstatic if they get signed won't she, you're being selfish mate. Think about what it could mean for the girls if they get signed..."

I sighed, he was so persistent, so smarmy, I suppose thats what big label managers tend to be like. I could feel my insides twisting angrily, could feel myself getting ready to leather him with my words, so I rolled my eyes and I sighed and then I said no once again.

"I know you're used to working with twatty rock stars mate, but we made it crystal clear from the start that we weren't gonna be like that.... im a bassist, thats it right, I'm not some cheap celebrity trying to score cheap points in the public so that I can advertise spaghetti hoops for a year and retire to the south of France..."

Beside me Bondy chuckled and nodded in agreement, Van grinned and Bob sat quietly, the same subdued, thoughtful smirk he usually wore.

"I'm with Blakes," said Van quickly, "if the label want to sign the girls because the girls are talented, they should just sign the girls. It makes no difference who they're dating..." He shrugged, "they are being sexist to say owt else..."

"The label just don't want it to look like theyre only signing them based on the fact that Bens dating their bassist," said Andy getting more exasperated by the second.

"Are they only signing them because Katie and Blakes are together?" Asked Bondy, as if it were all that simple. It was.

"No, but..."

"Then it doesn't matter, the girls would have been picked up regardless, they were already on the festival circuit before they met us, they were already getting attention..."

"you can't say that their being friends with you hasn't helped though, do you think they'd have half the fans they did if it werent for you?!"

"I think they'd be well on their way," shrugged Van. The others nodded in agreement and I leant back in my chair suddenly feeling triumphant.

That was when Andy turned to Van with a smirk suddenly a little more sinister.

"Why do you care so much anyway Van, its not as if you've got anything to defend...."

when I scanned around the room I saw Larry chewing his lip, I saw Van glaze over, his glassy eyes boring into Andy's sullen.

"So," he shrugged, "I'm defending Blakes aren't I, you can't come in here trying to run our personal lives like this. Its not on...."

"You're defending Ben are you?" He said dryly, sceptically once again.

"Yeah," he shrugged, hands in his pocket, he had the face on good and proper.

I could tell that something had changed though, he wasn't just defending me. That was obvious.

"Van if you're messing around with one of them you're gonna get management coming down on you like a tone of bricks, do you realize that?!" Snapped Andy shocking the rest of us with his accusation.

"What the fuck are you on about mate, you know I'm not messing anyone around!" Van bit back, he should have just shrugged his shoulders, but Van wasn't passive like that.

"You'll fuck this right up if you are, there's no way the label will want anything to do with them if youre dating one of them too," said Andy simply, "a part from anything else you're supposed to be staying single for the fans...."

"Get to fuck you know I never agreed to that wank, I'm not fuckin harry styles for Christ sakes!" he exclaimed, Bondy couldn't contain himself then, snorting with laughter he'd been trying to hold back.

"We said that was the deal until album three, you've got to keep them interested in you!"

"Oh give over Andy, you knew when you signed us ours aren't them kinda fans, girls aren't that fucking fickle anyway, our fans are loyal, they like us for our music, you're making a tit of yourself talking like this..." He said plainly, perhaps if he hadn't gotten personal it would have blown over in a few days, but it didnt, and whenever they were in the room together you could sense another fallout on the horizon.

I held my ground though, I still called Kate, refused to just drop her the way they wanted me to, and Van as far as I could tell kept up his own fight. I was grateful in away, because it hadn't been about him and yet he'd thrown himself in the firing line, making it a little easier for me to stick to my original statement.

"Its just bollocks isn't it, why should I have to stay single like, its shit, what would they have said if I'd stayed wi you know..." I shrugged, "I'd have been married to her by now... We'd have been having kids..."

"Don't dwell on it Van," said Bondy sighing, leaning his head on the table. For a long time Van had been torn up about that breakup. They'd been together since school, and he'd really thought she was the one, he'd told everyone, anyone that ever asked got the full, "I'm gonna marry that girl, I love her. she's the one," speech.

And then when she'd turned out not to be he hadn't known what to do.

"I'm not, I'm just saying... What would they have done then, oh I'm sorry Van you're just going have to pretend you're not married to her, you're just going to have to pretend that you don't have a daughter...."

"Now you're getting angry about theoretically pretending not to have a theoretical daughter..." He smirked his voice level, almost blank. Bondy was the best at handling Van when he got this way, Larry could try but they'd always end up arguing, Bondy could stay calm when the rest of us couldn't.

"They shouldnt be putting that kind of pressure on Blakes either its a load of bollocks,"

"Aye a know la but you've got to forget it for now. Youre not gonna let them manipulate us an thats great but do us a favor an shut the fuck up," he grinned, Van grinned too, knowing he was be in ridiculous again, over the top as usual. he shoved his hands in his pockets and stood up.

"Am going for a cig," He announced and I stood too.

"I'll join yous," I mumbled following him out into the rain.

for a while we stood in silence, he puffed away, fuming and I stood still smoking quietly, thinking about the best thing to say next.

"Is it Fliss?" I asked suddenly, he didnt look up at me.

"What?"

"Are you wound up because of Fliss, has somet happened there?"

"Don't be daft," he shrugged dropping his cigarette, lighting up another and looking away with a smirk, but he was daft to think I'd believe him so easily.