♡How I Found Him♡

Not good enough

After Linda left me alone,I decided to wake up and go make myself some food. When I'm depressed or sad I tend to comfort eat. I know its a bad thing but its what always made me feel better although I had stopped for a couple of weeks since I met the boys. I head down to the kitchen and make some calamari and rice while listening to some good slow songs that made me realise how my life changed ever since I met Linda. I'm a sucker for hip hop love songs and right now the lyrics of Losin Control were doing rounds in my head. I fell in love with Benjamin after I broke up with Trevor and that made me feel like what Linda said about me  was right. I was using Benjamin as a rebound and that was wrong. I couldn't do that to him but I knew that my love for him ran deep. I guess its all lies but I truly believe that i love Benjamin as more than a rebound because if he was I would've already gotten over him. Sighing I went up the stairs again and slept. I had done enough thinking for now. Before I went back to sleep I turned my phone off so I won't have any disturbances during my precious sleep. I loved sleep because it made you forget the world,problems and people for a couple of hours and to say that i appreciated it was just an understatement
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I woke up the next day nd decided to skip school for the day because I couldn't handle seeing Linda and Benjamin after that stupid conversation. His words kept on playing in my head like a broken record

You playing Benjamin

You using him as a rebound

I refused to actually believe it and so when I woke up,I bathed and went for a run. A run always helps me clear my mind through all  shit. I tie my shoe laces and listen to my playlist "saucy fire" because it helped me keep sane. As soon as I stepped outside,I ran and ran and ran. I ran like my life depended on it and I just couldn't stop. The only time where I felt myself slowing down was when *Untiled* by Bibi Bourelly started and I realized that i was the broken house that my father and I came to whenever we felt like life was just being a Bitch. Slowly I opened the broken door and went to the very last  room of the house. I got there and I just sat there,thinking and hating myself. Life was just  a fucking Bitch and I had to Fuck it up before it fucked me up. I spent sometime looking at the sea and letting the waves overtake all my emotions. I finally took a deep breath in and decided to leave. I went to the door and started to run again. Yes,my legs were killing me,my chest was burning but I really didn't care. I just kept on running until I got home. When i opened the door,headed straight to the kitchen,drank some water. Okay well tons of water before I headed up stairs to take a long hot bath. I dropped everything I had on the floor in the bathroom and I just dipped in the water. It was at  time where I collected all my thoughts and u realized what I needed to do. I was happy that i got to  a decision but the consequences behind it were just unbearable but I had no other choice. After what seemed like hours just spent in the bath tub,I got out and started to wear my pj's. I loves my pj's they just reminded me of how much I valued my sleep. I turn in the bluetooth speaker and I just listened to *Close to you*  and I lost myself in the lyrics while cooking. Everything had worked out in my head and not it was time for me to put my plans into actions. Despite how much criticism I'll get after this,life is life and I'll have to go back and being that cool chick in jeans,converse and hoodies with slick black hair. I was going to distance myself from the boys and the girls for now. I'll get back to my boxing classes and my motorbike racing life. A life where I live in the night and no one knew how the hell I lived unless I  actually confided in you. This was hoody life im going to will last for a week,just to go back to being the introvert in the day and badass mammii in the night. How excited I felt but I felt very sleepy after eating and so I decided to head to my room and go sleep and hopefully wake up in Heaven

A/N
HEY BAEBIIS😍😘😘😘
I hope you've been enjoying the chapters and please get ready to have some emotional moments in the next couple of chapters. If you cry then we'll be in the same Whatsapp group😉