♡How I Found Him♡

Linda's P.O.V

"Now if my mom told me that why the fuck would i listen to you? And besides that what were you going to say? You were just angry? No you weren't. I don't get why you have to bring up the whole Benjamin thing up all the time. I'm still hurting from it yes. I wont lie about that shit but I'm trying to move on from it and with you always bringing it up how am i supposed to do that?" She yells in a defeated voice. My heart hurts at hearing her speak like this
She doesnt believe me and i understand where her mistrust is coming from.
"

Yes,when you told Benjamin that i was using him it hurt because i thought you knew me better than that. But what hurt most was seeing him and that girl holding hands all lovey dovey hurt more. I felt like someone had taken out my heart and ripped it into two right infront of me. I felt like i was worthless to him, like i was unappreciated by him. Like i was just a person whom he was using just to pass along time. I felt like i was strung along by him. Like what i felt for him was nothing to him,like i was just a game and he was the player" she continues,making me realize how much of a fool I've been. I shouldn't have told Benj anything but i didn't know that she loved him that much.
"

Linda please just leave. Im not in the mood for you or anyone as a matter of fact. I've been through some shit,i been through hell and i can't take it anymore. You came into my life and created a disaster that i need to solve alone. I've been through it all with you I'm done so just please just get out". I hurt her,i made her heart break. I was responsible for her heartbreak. Had I known that telling Benj would cause her this typeof pain then i wouldnt have done it. This isnt what i wanted but i was angry and i said the most hurtful of things and if she couldn't belive me or forgive me then i would understand even though i never intended in breaking her heart.
"Oce,I'm sorry for everything I put you through-" i start to say but she quickly cuts me off.
"

Linda,please just,just dont say another word. Leave my room now. I'm in no mood for you or anyone. I asked to be alone and you being here shows how much you dont respect my decision to be alone. Im not some suicidal person okay. Yes you're worried about me i get that but the best thing for you to do right now is to leave me alone. We'll talk tomorrow or someday okay. Just leave please" i looked at her as she crawled back to her bed and sob a little. I want to go to her and comfort her but the voice in my head tells me to leave her alone,i mean she is crying because of me so i should leave her. I stare at her for what seems like 10 minutes before actually leaving her room. I make my way back into my room and because i cant sleep i decide to take a shower. Taking off the clothes i had on,i step into the hot shower and just stand there. The hot water making me relax a little but that doesn't do anything to stop my mind from going crazy over the fact I'm no good for Oce. All i seem to do is hurt her and I dont like it ,i mean i hate it when she cries. I hate that I'm the cause of her pain. No matter what i do,I'll always hurt her. Realising I've been in shower for too long,i close the water and step outside the shower. My hair is dripping water so place a towel to ruffle it up a bit and decide to wear my Fila sweater with 3 stripes tracksuit pants and vans slides.
After i make my way to the kitchen and make myself food and decide to watch movies on Netflix. Tempted is what i am to make a joint and smoke right now but i know Oce wouldn't like it. Oce. A smile makes its way on my face when i think of her. Her beautiful blue/green eyes that are soo beautiful if you look at them,you'd swear they look like the ocean. Her long pitch black hair makes her eyes stand out and her smile,oh Lord. She's just too beautiful to go unnoticed yet,i only noticed her this year. Slowly drifting off to sleep with a smile playing in my lips, i welcome the darkness.
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"Thanks Ugly God. Bitch,bitch,bit-" my phone goes off telling me to wake up,i search for it and switch it off. I lay on the bed for a little while longer as my mind takes me back to the words Oce said to me. Fuck i messed up again i dont think she'll forgive me anymore. I always hurt her and i never intend on doing it, it just happens unintentionally. I swing my legs to the side of my bed wear my vans slides and head to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and shower then head to my closet. Not feeling like steezing or anything i just grab a plain back t-shirt and skinny jeans and rock my air force and look outside my window. Dark,with the curtains drawn and no loud music could only mean one thing. She isnt going to school. Fuck another way go piss me me off for the rest of the day. Heading downstairs i grab my leather jacket and go to my bike.
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30 minutes later i arrive at school with a angry look on my face and that immediately tells my friends to be on their best behaviour today which kinda makes me laugh but i choose to keep a straight face. "Hey Linda" An irritating voice screeches and i know who it is almost immediately,Lee-Anne. I could never understand why she just had to be so loud when she knew that she has this squeaky ass voice. Lee-Anne and I were once a thing but i was never interested,i mean sure she has a bomb ass body and the sex was well everything you expected but there was no emotional connection between us. I could never understand how much she was a bitch to other people but one things is for sure,she is scared of Oce. Oce,she's still angry at me,well i hope she isn't but even if she is its understandable but that would kill me. Not having to talk to Oce would kill me in ways i couldn't possibly understand. "Hello,Linda? Can you hear me?" I see her fingers snapping at me. "What?!" I say a little too harsh but,as always,it doesn't seem to bother her. "Oh gosh,where is all of this stress coming from? Wanna come over to my house to relieve it?" She says batterimg her eyelashes in a rather desperate way making me cringe. "I'd rather pass" i say and push her out of my way and head to my locker. And as usual class was boring as fuck. I dont even know why I put up with school and all the people here. I make my way into the cafeteria and sit at our usual table and everyone seems to notice my mood almost instantly and they all keep quiet. Princess was the first to ask how I'm doing,she's actually a very interesting person and i totally get why she's friends with Oce then you get Bailey,weird yet fun to be around. She always stutters or says words wrong and then laughs at herself for it which is amusing. Then you get the boys holy fuck i don't know how we all came about to be friends but we are making it work. Benji the shortest of us all and he's annoying when he wants to,James social butterfly of us all,Scott chilled yet talkative and stubborn,Otis has a poker face like me but deep down he's actually a mainiac,Shaun stoner and crazy. This guy's ideas and the things he'd talk about are crazy but we love him like that then finlly Pollen,he is everything and everyone in the squad combined he just makes everything balanced out. They the people who keep me calm and fine but at the same time drive me insane. I take a look at them all and proudly smile in my head. They all talk and I'm just listening to Vic Mensa-Coffee and Cigarettes when i notice Princess texting on her phone and typing very fast,either frustrated or talking to someone. I get the urge to ask her if she's talking to Oce but i ignore it and excuse myself from them and leave the school i cant take being there,looking at our friends ignoring the fact that Oce isnt here. I head to my locker to change my books then leave the school. I ride around the city for what seems like an hour before finding a place to chill out. Its my happy place by thr river,where all my problems get washed away by the river as it makes it way down to where ever it goes. The endless flow and splutters it makes me love it more. My thoughts go back to everything that happened last night and instantly im not fine,im hurt all over again but what i dont understand is why i feel likw this everytime Oce and i get into a fight its not like i love her more than a friend. I love her yes but as a friend strictly. A purely platonic connection between us,my best friend. Yes thats what she is to me! I sit down and listen to the noise the river makes as it flows. That's why i love the river so much, the endless flow it has. It just goes with the flow and doesnt stop flowing no matter what rock or object is placed or put infront of the way where its supposed to flow on it just goes. Take dam walls for example,they are used to keep water from a river or lake stored in that pace but its only a matter of time before the waves of the water crush it completely and continue with its stream and flow
Finds a new path to flow or fights for that same path. Water is just amazing,it can destroy life and sustains it as well. Rivers make you think twice about the flow of your life, if your life has alot of obstacles are you going to just let them stop you or you going to rise above them and crash them so that your life can go back into peaceful flow that it was in. My phone rings and the peacefulness i felt just moments ago disappears. I look at the caller ID and i see its Scott calling.
"Linda where are you?" He asks in a quiet manner threading carefully so that i dont snap at him but I've gotten over that and im just in a chilled zone. "Im at the river,dont ask why and dont call me again today you disturbing me" i tell him. "Okay bro, just don't do anything stupid." He says and i laugh sarcastically "Look who's talking,you live for doing wrong things but yeah I'll try contain it." Responding while throwing stones into ths river. "True but still be the civil and proper one in our squad" he blabbers on. "Okay bye,dont do things i wouldn't. Cool bro" i hang up begore he can say anything else slowly realising the hunger i felt. I get up and make my way to the bike while checking my phone,it's past 12 already so school is out. I get on the bike and make my way to a nearby cafe

Hey❤ guys i know its been a while,im sorry honestly ans btw this is the longest chapter I've ever written. 2080 words imagine crazii right but anyways im sorry for the holdups