For weeks after that, Jed trained with the army. They had moved from the courtyard into a real barracks, and the first time Jed saw it he had nearly cried at the sight. Lailah had lead him up and up and up through the palace until he was parched simply by walking there. She didn't break a sweat. They had reached the top of the stair case, and Lailah had pushed open doors almost as wide as the front doors or the palace, and beyond them was the training facility. You had to walk down to get to the main platform, and once you reached the floor there was tens of fighting squares, weapons lining every single wall, and more soldiers than Jed had ever seen in his life.
"I saw my family dead at my feet while the Hybrids ripped apart everything I care about." Lailah had said, leaning across the railing at the top of the stairs. "When then they killed Nat. Something clicked. It's personal. And real." She had said. Now she watched him as he once again fought Shaegin on one of the many fighting platforms.
"Do you only fight me for the meal cards?" Jed asked. Distract the enemy right?
"Shut up and fight me." Right, he supposed that wasn't going to work after all. Jed ran at Shaegin, and within a few seconds Jed was pinned to the floor.
"Damn it." He whispered under his breath. He had been improving, but not as quickly as the others. He failed over and over that day until Lailah called everyone to stop.
"Get an early lunch everyone. You are all training amazingly, you deserve it." And with that everyone left. She walked over to where Jed was still on the floor and helped him up. "What's on your mind Jed."
"How do you know there's something on my mind."
"Because there is a very thin line between never giving up on a fight and using a fight to punish yourself. What is wrong."
"Turn me into a Vampire."
"Jed, I swear to god."
"I'm serious Lailah. I want to be able to keep up. To defend myself. To help defend you. You know I have no one at home that I need to live for. Please."
"And what, now you're living for me? That's not good enough, Jed. You need to live for yourself. And being a Vampire is not a great way to do that." She paused for a second "I'll tell you why I won't turn you. Because while it's great for the first 50 years, the heightened senses, the ability to move quickly, live easier, heal quickly, reality sets in soon enough. The people around you start to die and you realise that the pain you feel when that happens never goes away. Because you don't get to go away. You are infinite. What if I turn you and then I die in this war. Then what will you have? You can't go back to the humans. You know no one here except the soldiers that beat you every day."
"Then don't die in this war."
"Even immortal people don't always get to live forever, Jed."
"For me, it's better than this. I would rather be a Vampire for the days I get left with you and then die along with you in this war that be an inconvenience to everyone around me. You don't think Shaegin gets annoyed every time he has to fight me? I feel it when we battle. This can't be my life Lailah." There was a silence, and then,
"Shaegin fights you because I ask him nicely and he is my friend. He is not annoyed, he could easily just say no, but he wants extra meal cards. The boy gotta eat. Being stronger isn't the only reason you want me to turn you, is it."
'What are you talking about."
"You haven't forgotten I am betrothed."
"I had not."
"And you think me turning you will make you eligible." He was silent "Jesus, Jed. Immortal or not, I made my promises. I have my own feelings I have to deal with, or severe lack of them. Being immortal doesn't change who you are, just the parts you show."
"And what is that supposed to mean."
"It means that while you walk in here, having a positive attitude now, and never give up now, doesn't mean there isn't a darker part of you that could come on full display if I turned you and..." she paused. "Never mind. I will not turn you. Don't ask me again" There was a long, panting silence.
She slowly looked up to the entrance of the barracks, and was met with Almar's sad eyes looking down at them. "Great. That's just fucking great." She said, and stormed in the other direction. Perhaps there was a back door no one had told Jed about. He had alot of mixed emotions right now. Confusion? Love? Guilt? Jed had no idea what was going on.
~
Jed still had no idea what was going on. He hadn't seen Lailah again that day, and with Nat no longer around, he guessed Lailah was right. He had no friends here. He had basically invited himself into their home and now he had implied that he would be a better choice for Lailah's husband than the person she was already engaged to. Well done, Jed. He was sitting in his room now, staring at the fire he had going. It was freezing in the stone palace, which he guesses just added to the overall mood tonight. Someone knocked at the door. He hoped it was Lailah. It wasn't. Almar was the one who let himself in. He didn't say much as he walked over to Jed, and sat down beside him.
"I'm sorry" Jed said to him.
"Don't do that."
"Do what."
"Apologise for something you aren't sorry for." Jed didn't respond. Was this a trap? Oh no.
"It is me, actually, that came here to apologise." Jed looked at him, confused.
"I am not a fool, Jedrek. I know that Lailah does not love me. I know the reasons she agreed to marry me without having to ask, we are on the same page." He paused for a second. "I think in her vision, she saw you"
"What?"
"The second you stepped foot in this palace, Lailah has been more pedantic than usual with training and preparing for a war none of us even knew was coming. Alot of the soldiers only train this hard because each and every one of them respects her and trusts her enough to do what she says. She has never been wrong before."
"Why do you say she saw me, though."
"Because usually when Lailah processes grief, she is as hard a rock. She never cracks, never shows emotions. That's her neutrally, actually. But this time she has turned her grief into anger. It hurts less this way, I suppose." There was a silence between them, Jed thought he should say something. "What she feels for you, she should feel for me." Jed looked at him, confused.
"I didn't mean to-"
"I know. I understand."
"What does that even mean."
"Lets just get through the bloody war first."
"I can agree with that."
And with that, they shook hands and he left. He opened the door and behind it was Lailah. She tried to slip in past him, but he grabbed her arm and closed the door behind him. Jed knew better than to eavesdrop. A minute later Lailah opened the door. When she came in, her face neutral, yet again. You would never know what she was thinking unless you could literally read minds.
"Alot has happened today." Was all she said. She sat down next to Jed in front of the fire. "Almar has told me the engagement is on hold until after the war, so we don't have to think about it."
"That's very considerate of him."
"I was happy to marry him. I doubt he will now." She said, then she looked at him "I need you to train harder." He looked at her, a realised she was crying. When had the neutral mask fallen away? "I don't understand. I haven't cried in decades." She said mostly to herself, wiping her tears away. So this was the real Lailah. Tough as bricks, but under the surface she was still just a girl, trying to do what was right and beginning to loose hope. He softly took her wrists in his hands and turned her towards him.
"I will, Lailah." Her eyes met his. She had such pretty eyes.
"You can't kiss me again"
"I know."
"She put her head his lap, and with him leaning against the foot of the bed, they slept like that in front of the fire all night long.
