I Only Loved You Once Never Twice

(2) Too Damn Much

"Lobster's the goal, man. Lobster's the dream" You furrowed your brows hearing your friend's remark from the radio.

They really took a break from school and only Brian continued. A company took them and Jae also became a part of a radio and television talk
show. You shook your head after hearing his obsession with lobster and turned to check Brian.

He was busy typing on his laptop; finishing his homework. You decided to stop streaming and put your earphones down. I'll probably just listen to the replay later or listen to (Your friend's name) talk about it. She never misses Jae's shows.

Brian was so indulged with what he's doing and you can't help but smile. You just love how passionate he is and how good he is in balancing his life. Despite being busy with the band; being trained in a company, he never asked for an excuse nor special treatment in his classes. His grades are good—great
even.

As he was busy with his own stuff, you were also busy adoring your man.

"You're mine"

His voice echoed in your head as you let your heart dissolve by the warmth that you feel. A smile instantly formed from your face. You raised
your phone and went to Instagram to capture a moment of your day.

So boyfie

You snickered with your friend's reply on your story.

Ofc. He's my boyfriend. ;)

He's a supportive and a proud one. He wouldn't take his eyes off of you as he smiles while watching you doing the things you love and enjoy. He'd think about you always. He would watch a recorded video of you repeatedly and would never get tired of it. He would talk about how cute you are and boast you
to his friends. He would even squeal because he couldn't resist himself from doing so when you do something that he finds really cute.

You felt his eyes darted on you so you looked up to meet his gaze. He smiled and asked if you're okay and apologized for making you sit doing
nothing while he's trying to finish his homework. You assured him you're fine with it. In fact, quiet times like this with him give you contentment. You love seeing him doing things with passion. Although at times, you can't help but be worried. He doesn't seem like he's getting enough rest that he should have.

Glancing at the time, you stood up to make him a cup of coffee but he captured your hand before you could even take a step.

"Where are you going?" His face etched with worry

"Don't worry, I'll be fast"

His forehead furrowed a bit "I'm coming with you"

You smiled and shook your head. You told him to continue with his homework but he's stubborn. He doesn't want to be away from you. At times, he'd
just sit and stare at you for a couple of minutes. He can even do it for a couple of hours or maybe even for a whole day. Well, so are you.

When everything he needs to do was finished, Sungjin called and told him to go to the park to unwind. Jae was done with the radio show, too so everyone were present at the park.

You can tell that Wonpil's blissful about the picnic because you haven't done it for a while since that day—when Brian officially called you his.

"Well, who knows..." you shrugged "Another couple might bloom after this" You eyed Jae and your friend. Brian supported your remark and the rest started teasing both of them. The latter, as usual, started roasting each other though.

There were some people who took photos from afar. Oh, they were recognized, huh? Some people even tried to come closer. There was even a family, with a baby, near your spot that keeps on looking at the guys. You chuckled when Brian imitated the baby. You low key wanted him to do it again so you could record it because he
was just so cute. But you kept mum about it.

You were all catching up with each other. Not seeing them as often as you used to makes you miss them. That's why even being friends with them, you watch and listen to their shows.

As days, weeks and months passed, your worries grew. They became busier; making songs for their debut album; practicing; busking; and Brian with
school, too. You'd sometimes tell him to rest instead of going on a date but he doesn't want you to feel neglected. So despite how busy he is, he always makes time for you.

This is bad.

You felt guilty. This is one of the reasons why you hesitated before. You didn't want to be greedy and you didn't want him to feel obligated and responsible to spend time with you because you're his girlfriend. It was tough when they started and it became more grueling now that they'll be having their debut.

Sometimes you'd ask him for a break—not a break up; just let him focus with the band more and of course his school. Especially that midterm exams are approaching. He makes you feel loved more than enough so you trust him; you trust him so much to ask for a cool off—a positive kind of one though. You tried to make him understand that he needs it. You're already contented of how he kept you a priority but you're just too worried about him.

You fought about it. He didn't want to. He doesn't need that, he said. He couldn't understand why you'd ask for it. He felt like he did something wrong or if he made you feel neglected. You tried to clarify it to him that nothing's wrong. You just want him to have more time for himself; to rest. But he couldn't have that if he has you. Because you know how he'd sacrifice even a short rest just to make you feel loved.

"Am I loving you too much?"

You felt your chest tighten and your breathing hitched with his query. You let out a sigh of frustration. You didn't want it to be this way. You meant good but it went out of hand. You just wanted a short break not a break up. But with you beside him, things will be harder for him or maybe even might be burdensome.

"Brian, why don't—"

"Answer me," You swallowed the lump in your throat when you see a glint of tears in his eyes "am I loving you too much?" His voice cracked and your tear dropped.

"Yes!" you exclaimed "Yes, you're loving me too much! Too. Damn. Much!"

His grip on your arm loosened and it dropped. He exhaled as he looked away before he squeezed his eyes close and tighten his lips.

You were shocked with your own words. You didn't mean it. This is not what you wanted. But instead of taking every word you uttered back, you spoke
more words that seemed like swords stabbing his heart and yours.

"It's suffocating, Brian. This is not love anymore! This is obsession"

You bit your lip immediately to stop yourself from withdrawing those swords. I'm sorry, Bri. I'm sorry but you need this. You know he loves you. You know it's not obsession. And no, you're not suffocated.

He was dumbfounded. He never expected those words to come from you. He never even thought you'll be in this kind of situation. He's so good in
writing lyrics; thinking of words to convey the feelings, but he couldn't seem to find the words to prevent you from voicing out the words that are the last thing that he wants to hear; the words that he never ever wants to hear from you but he did.

"Let's break up"

He wanted to stop you from leaving but he was so dumbstruck. He was on his knees as tears run down his face. You immediately turned your back to preclude yourself from hugging him.

You don't know how you ended up on your bed when your knees were so weak; you thought you couldn't even take a single step.

You thought of what happened earlier and it sunk in to you. We broke up. You regret it so much. How did it end up like this? You cried rivers of tears for days. Your energy was sapped by your misery. Your room was suffused with sobs and wailing as you reminded yourself: I just wanted a break, not a break up

--

I was on a bus on my way home when Congratulations, How Can I Say, Letting Go and You Were Beautiful played consecutively that it made me think of these scenes. I even teared up.

Uhm, thoughts? Pls let me know :")