Save Me | BTS ff (ongoing)

Invisible Cages (Prolog)

I always thoght they would be my family, but in truth they are my worst nightmare.
I realized it by the passing years, in wich they allways were bullying me more and more.

I've become so numb inside of me, because I allways lived the same day, with the same worries and problems like yesterday.
I was wrapped in a cocoon, but I've gave up the hope that I will ever transform into a Butterfly.

They make me think I must live my life for them.
I was only born to reach thier goals, not mine.
What means "I" at all?
Is there really a "I"?
I really don't know it!
"Who am I?"

I had never an answer for this question.
And I thought I would never ever have one.
Because it was never important who I am!
Nobody ever cared about that.
Not even the people I called my family.
Everyone would now ask "What about your friends?"

Friends?

About what you talk right now?
I don't have one!
Not anymore.
There was a time in wich I had friends, now and then, but my family always acted rude towards them and made that way people stay away from me.

Thier behavior put me in chains that nobody ever could see, not now and not then.
That's why my family became a invisible cage to me.
A cage from which I never could break out of.
So I thought.
I had litarally nothing, not even myself.
Except for one thing, the music!
Music was everything to me.
It was my possibility of self-expression, the place where I felt understood.
I comunicated through music.
It was my personal language, that only I could undersatand.

I felt so many times alone.
In truth I felt every night that way!
Every night the same.
I'm feeling this big pain inside of my heart while I cry myself to sleep.
Allways these words of my family rotating in my mind, things like: "You will be forever alone.", " You will never reach something in your life!" or "You are such a useless thing, you lazy ass!"
I always pretended that these things would not hit me, but they did.
And the worst part about that is, that nobody cares!

I had no one I could run to and talk about all these wierd feelings inside of me.
Nobody who would hug me, if I needed it.
No one who would stopp me from falling apart.
And I was obviously was falling apart.
Everybody could that see, if they would want to.
But instead of building me up, they push me down, like they always did.

There were times in wich I could no longer handle the hate they showed me.
Times in wich I had start to hate myself for no reason.
Times in wich anything would be easier than to be alive, even to be dead would be easier.
I don't really want to die, but in the past it seemed to be the only way to break free from my invisible cage called family.
But I didn't kill myself, because I was too afraid back then.
I couldn't do it.

There was something inside of me, a little sparke that makes me wanting to stay alive.
It was like a inner voice that told me, that I couldn't die now, because there's something that would be waiting for me in this sad and dark World.
That's why I'm still alive.
That's why music became my life.
Since I do not have a school degree, it is hard for me to find a job.
But I do not want to just sit around and do nothing, so I started to learn languages.
I was fascinated of asian languages with thier totally different writing systems.
Especially Korean and Japanese, so I started to learn these two languages.

By time I had started to always have similar dreams about a guy from far away who would come and save me from my family and from myself.
He would bring me far away from all these bad things around me.
And he would show me something that is called "true love".

Hii Guys...
First I wanted to say sorry if I made any grammatical mistakes or something's sounds strange, but English isn't my first language, actually I started to write this FF in English because I thought it would be a good chance to practice my English.
So this is my first ever English Ff at all, so please have mercy on me.
I will update this Ff from time to time, so please don't wait for regularly updates.

❤️❤️❤️
stella170197