Two Keys To My Lock

My Father

It's been almost a full twelve months since my third year of college started..

I didn't know it would happen like this. I didn't know it would go down like that.. I wanted to see him.. one last time.

Saturday, it happened Saturday. I remember Eacker calling my name, my father waiting for me to pick up the phone. When I did answer, my mother was there instead.

"Phillip! Hurry, come down to the hospital!" She cried into the phone.

"But mom, why? Is everyone okay?!" I exclaimed.

"It's your father, hurry!" She was crying, I can tell you that.

I didn't even tell Theodosia or George where I was going.. I kind of just ran from our dorm and half way to the hospital, then grabbed a taxi the other half. In the back seat of the taxi cab, I panicked, bad.

So here I sit, in the chair that the doctor sat in. So here I see, my father, pale white with purple bags under his eyes.. laying helplessly on the bed before me. So here I am, watching, crying, trying to hold on.. losing my reality.

"Phillip," Pops mumbles. I lean in a little so I can hear him. "You made me proud, son.." Tears spill from my eyes now. "I love you, Phillip.." He holds my hand in his own shaking one. "Tell Laurens that I loved him.. and Lafayette that he was a great leader.. and Hercules, tell him that he was like a father to me.. can you do that for me?" He asks, his voice breathy. I nod, a sob escaping from my throat. It's only he and I in the room, mom is in the hallway.. my siblings with her.

"Pops?"

"Yes?"

"I love you.. a lot. And- and I'll make sure to keep making you proud from Heaven.. I'll get a degree in writing, I'll tell your story!" I cry harder. He pulls me in for a fragile hug.

"You'll never fail me, Phillip. I love you too."

I remember leaving the place, broken. My dad was my best friend, he understood me.

"Phillip? Honey?" There's a knock at my door.

"Go.. away.." I mumble. I don't want to make anyone else upset, I've done enough damage.

"No, I'm staying." Theodosia walks into my room and sits on the floor next to me. "Honey, tell me what's wrong?" She rubs my back.

"It flat lined.." I push my hair out of my face and tear up again. My eyes burn from all of the crying.. "My d-dad.. he.." I burst into another round of unwanted crying.

Theo hugs me tightly, she starts to hum. I listen to the soft melody and close my eyes. Still, the tears dribble down my face and some even make it to my neck.

I'd be lying if I said her voice wasn't beautiful, or if her singing didn't help me. An hour or so later, I'm calmmer, more collected. We sit on my floor now, my head in her lap, her hands in my hair. I have my eyes closed, yet I know Theo's perfect, washed out, green eyes are staring at my freckle embedded face.

"Phillip?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you, more."

It's awhile later, and Theo had told George what all had happened. I sit in my room, humming the same melody Theodosia had sung before. But this time with the words.

"Sunshine, my only sunshine.." I hold a stuffed toy George had gotten for me to my chest. My door opens a little, and with heavy footsteps I can tell it's my boyfriend who walked in.

"Hey, love.." He looks at me and places a small kiss upon my cheek. I lean into his side, still squeezing the toy. "I heard.. um.." He sounds quite uncertain, which is a first for him. "I.. I know what it's like to lose someone.." I turn around and hug him.

Shoot, I didn't know his mom wasn't with him anymore.. that broke me up again, I was almost fine until he brought up his mother, then the next thing you know, we're both bawling.

His arms are around my waist, and I'm childishly clinging to him.

"Babe.. I'm sorry," He wipes his face off one last time. I had never seen him so upset at all, it broke me even more.

"No, no, don't ever be sorry for being sad." I kiss his cheek lightly, trying hard not to push anything. "Can I uh.. sleep with you tonight?" I ask him softly.

"Of course, there's no need to ask, love." He looks at me and wipes his thumb under my eye. I give a soft smile.. Something that wouldn't be around too often anymore.

An hour or two later, we're both laying next to each other on top of his bed. Well, it's more like I'm smothering him. I can hear his light breaths coming and going, as my head is on his chest after all.

"Babe? Are you still awake?" I ask him in a quiet mumble. If he's asleep, I don't want to wake him up.

"Yes, love?" He replies. George's voice is a soft hum.

"I love you, no matter what happens. I'll always love you."

"..I'll forever love you too."

I'll be my own man, like my father, but bolder. I'll try to do the things he wanted me to accomplish, I'll rise up. I refuse to throw away my shot. With everything I do, I'll make him proud. I only want for him to call me son, one last time. Or write me another letter, "Dear, Phillip." Or I want him to teach me what they didn't cover in boarding school.

Now I have to look out for all six of my siblings. Now I have to look after my mother, my aunts, and my cousins. I am the oldest. Now I have to grow up. Pops is gone, there is nothing I can do about that. I wish to God there was, but there isn't. All I can do now is wait for it. Wait for something to happen.