Must I Imagine You There

I Have Nothing

Kurt sat in a dark theatre as the trailers played. Blaine sat on Kurt's left, Sam on Blaine's other side and the girlfriend next to Sam. Kurt wanted nothing more, than to reach out and take Blaine's hand. This felt so much like a double date or was it his imagination?

Kurt barely noticed the movie and he somehow knew that Blaine wasn't paying attention either. Blaine was focused on every slight sound of joy, surprise and excitement that came from Sam, just like Kurt was focused on every slight movement Blaine made. It was a line of unrequired attention. Kurt gazing at Blaine beside him, Blaine gazing at Sam and Sam with his arms around his girlfriend, broke the line by actually looking at the movie screen.

Kurt had a sudden epiphany. Finn was right. This was stupid, no it was more than that! This was the most pointless self-destructive situation, he could possibly imagine and no matter how much it would hurt, it was time to let go. Kurt forced himself to turn away from Blaine and focus on the movie. He forced himself to look straight ahead and tune of the constant awareness he had, for that beautiful man with the curly hair. Unfortunately, lovestruck Blaine had let Sam pick the movie which meant they were watching something with lots of explosions and little to no plot. Fantastic. How was Kurt supposed to pay attention, when there was nothing to pay attention to? Stupid action movie! Why couldn't they have chosen to see a rom-com, like normal people on a date? Then at least, maybe Kurt would have empathized with someone on the screen.

As he was, he endured the last half hour of the ridiculous movie, bid everyone goodnight and went straight home. Kurt couldn't take the punishment anymore. He had to be done. That was all there was to it. He knew he'd said this before, but this time Kurt meant it. He had to take his own advice and forgo being Blaine's unnoticed punching bag. The worse part of it was, that Kurt knew Blaine didn't have a clue how much pain he was causing him. It was probably more Kurt's fault than Blaine's, since Kurt kept calling him friend and agreeing to anything Blaine suggested. If only Kurt knew how to say no, maybe the situation wouldn't have gotten this bad. But as it was, Kurt had to give up his addiction to that gelled hair and perfect smile or else never get out of bed again.

After the movie theatre, Kurt didn't initiate a single text with Blaine. When Blaine texted him, he answered simply and without any energy, responding to Blaine's long messages with replies like 'huh' and 'cool.' He gave excuses, as to why he couldn't meet for coffee and tried not to think of Blaine. Though on this matter he failed all the time. Failed to forget the way one curl of Blaine's hair liked to come loose from his perfectly gelled head of his. Failed to forget the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled. Kurt couldn't forget, how Blaine had so easily memorized his coffee order, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Okay, so Kurt found out it was impossible not to think about the man. But at least, he could try and distract himself. Kurt focused on his school work and spend more time with his roommates and skyped with his dad.

"Hey dad," Kurt said waving at his laptop, his father's image appeared there just a second ago.

"Hey kiddo," Burt's voice replied through his laptop speakers. "How's school?"

"Classes are going really well," Kurt said. "This school is really cool. I am so glad I didn't become a lump on your couch."

"Ha!" Burt laughed. "I actually didn't for one second believe you'd really go through with it."

"That makes one of us," Kurt replied.

"How about living with the newly weds?" Burt asked. "How's that going?"

"I try to think of them as my best friend and brother instead," Kurt replied. "It's less tragic."

"What do you mean?" Burt asked.