Necessity

Chapter Two

I pulled up to Chresanto's house wistfully taking in the sight of it. We had done these exchanges with Deon at least fifty times yet it still felt strange to just show up and leave for days as if I never called this place home. Often I wondered if Chresanto is thinking about me as severely as I think about him or if every thought of us getting back together has already escaped his mind. Given his cold attitude toward me, I easily accepted that it was the latter. I took a deep breath before exiting my car and locking the doors behind me. I approached the door and rang the bell. Miss Mabel had insisted that I keep the key that I had to the house but there was no point in having free will to do something if it was unwanted. In other words, why would I have a key to a house I don't live in. A few seconds went by before the door opened revealing Chresanto standing in the doorway.

"Hey" I said debating on whether or not I should have even said that much.

There was something about knowing I was the reason why there was such a strain on our relationship that made me worried to say anything to him at all.

"What's up?" he said under his breath stepping aside to let me into the house.

I walked inside hearing him shut the door behind me.

"You can go get him. He's upstairs in his room. I'll go get his stuff"

I nodded lingering a bit to see if there was something more that he wanted to say. When I realized that was all I began to go upstairs. I looked into Deon's room to see him just waking up from his nap.

'Hey, baby" I said taking him out of his crib.

I began kissing all over him and he moved his face away from me in annoyance.

"Miss me?"

He gave no response as he looked up at me with drowsy eyes.

"That's okay. You'll wake all the way up soon" I giggled.

I turned around and saw Chresanto standing there with a bag in his right hand full of Deon's belongings. He cleared his throat and looked anywhere else but at my face. I hated when he did that. Appearing as if he wanted to say something to me but said nothing to me at all. I would kill to just have a conversation about getting our family together, or him telling me how he feels, him telling me about what he ate yesterday, anything was better than these awkward silences between us. Talking to each other used to be so easy so this was...miserable to say the least.

"He ate a while ago. I had just changed him right before he went to sleep but I don't know what he got waitin' for you in that thing"

He said motioning to Deon's diaper hanging out of his onesie. I smiled taking the bag away from him.

"Thanks"

Chresanto simply nodded. We had exchanged Deon plenty of times but every time Chresanto and I met up, he still had that hurt expression on his face as if he genuinely could not believe that I had cheated on him. I couldn't either.

"I'll walk you out" he said leaving the room and going down the stairs. I followed him with the same anticipation that I did whenever I saw him hoping that he would ask if we could talk, tell me he forgives me, but I knew that that could only happen in a perfect life which I out of all people did not have. He opened the front door waiting for me to go through.

"See you in a few days" I said as I always did whenever I was picking Deon up or dropping him off because there was nothing else to say.

Chresanto already knew how sorry I was so at this point, the ball is in his court. I walked over to my car and strapped Deon into his car seat. As I got into my car, I noticed Chresanto closing the front door. I put my hands on the steering wheel and noticed that I was still wearing my engagement ring. Chresanto had to have noticed that I was still wearing it yet he never asked for it back. So does that mean that there is a chance or am I completely fooling myself? To wear this ring proudly as if I'm currently on my way to pick out fabrics for my wedding dress with my homegirls was not only delusional but pathetic. He said it himself that the wedding was off so why am I still wearing his ring? I shook my head before sliding the ring off of my finger and placing it in my center console.

***Flashback***

I stepped into the bedroom with coffee in one hand and a plate of breakfast in the other. Eggs sunny side up, potatoes, toast, and ham just like he liked. I swear he could eat this meal every morning.  I watched briefly as Chresanto lay in bed with his phone up to his ear and a sheet of paper in the other.

"No, that shipment is supposed to be coming in tomorrow night. This morning shoulda been the Heineken. Thirty cases. I'm lookin at it right now" he said seeming a bit irritated.

When I left he had been asleep and I hated coming back to see him stressed out. There was some more talking on the other line before Chresanto sighed extensively.

"Yeah, whatever. That's fine. I just want it all before we get busy...ight man...you too"

Chresanto hung up and then pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. I walked over to stand in front of him making him lift his head. He saw the breakfast and gave a faint chuckle.

"C'mere" he said with a smile.

I placed the coffee on the nightstand beside him and the plate of food next to his body on his bed. Then I straddled him with a knee on either side of his lower half.

"Good morning" I cheerfully said.

He placed his hand on my waist and planted a kiss on my lips.

"Thank you, baby. I need this. These people got me stressed out this morning" he said shaking his head. "How's junior?" he asked putting one hand on my stomach.

We were supposed to be finding out the gender of our baby this weekend and Chresanto and I were willing it to be a boy. I read somewhere that the best way to achieve something is to speak it into existence. A girl could come later when I was ready to deal with the constant needing and talking back. 

"Well, he's growing" I shrugged. "I'll be as big as a house in no time"

"B" Chresanto said disapprovingly.

Even though I often tried to play it off as a joke, me getting fat is a big insecurity of mine. I was only two and a half months pregnant and I already noticed my stomach growing. It wouldn't be long before I start trying out maternity clothes. What if Chresanto loses interest in me and leaves me for someone else with a better body?

"Sorry, Chres. I'm only kidding. It's fine"

"No, it's not. Stop saying shit like that. I don't care about none of that"

"You say that now" I mumbled looking down at the sheets.

"Bahja, listen to me" he said making me look up at him. "Ima always say that. I didn't fall in love with you because of your body. I fell in love with who you are. A few pounds couldn't change that especially considering that they would be from you having our baby. Stop bein' so insecure. I ain't goin nowhere"

I looked down again and nodded. He always knew just what to say.

"You believe me?"

"Yes, I believe you, baby but I'm just saying shit's gonna be different when this baby comes"

He laughed.

"Babygirl, you're preachin to the choir right now. You dont think I know that? My bank account finna be empty as hell, I ain't gon be gettin no sleep, piss and shit gon be everywhere..."

I started to laugh.

"Feel free to name any benefits" I said sarcastically.

"Benefit is that we're gonna be going through it together. That we're gonna be married soon" he said kissing my hand with my engagement ring on it. "And that nothing's coming between us. Not even ya lil muffin top"

I hit him on the chest playfully.

"Stop reminding me and eat your food"