Necessity

Chapter Twelve

"Who's Jacob?" he asked sternly.

The question had caught me off guard. I thought he had gotten over what happened in the car. And of all the times to bring up another man, he chooses to bring it up right after we just got done having sex? Mind-blowing sex at that.

"He's a friend" I simply answered.

Chresanto scoffed.

"Just a friend?" he asked finally turning to look at me.

He didn't seem convinced at all.

"Yes, Chresanto" I said crossing my arms over my chest.

He was really starting to get on my damn nerves.

"'Hey, beautiful. Let's spend some time together before I leave?' The nigga sounds like more than a friend to me"

"Well, I'm telling you he's not, bae. Why are you trying to make this an issue? Is this really what you're trying to talk about? Right now?"

He looked at me as if he were still expecting some sort of explanation. I rolled my eyes. Way to ruin the night.

"I met him at my job a while ago and we've just been hanging out and talking as friends ever since. That's it. I told him straight up that I wasn't trying to be with him or mess around with him and he respects that so we haven't done anything. In fact, I haven't even been with anybody since we broke up because I've been holding onto the possibility that one day you might want to get back together"

I hoped that what I had said would finally initiate the conversation that I had been dying to have as to whether or not we would finally get back together. But all he did was shake his head and my heart sunk.

"I can't, man. I just can't. I still don't trust you, Bahja"

Hot tears filled up in the wells of my eyes. Now we were back to "Bahja". I never hated hearing my full name so much until now. If I knew that this shit would happen, I would've just let his ass walk right out the door earlier.

"So let me get this straight, you fuck me and then you realize that you still don't want to be with me? Is that what the fuck you're telling me right now, Chresanto? How does that even work?"

"Bahja, I didn't do this to us ok? Or did you forget?"

"No, Chresanto! No, I didn't fucking forget!" I yelled standing to my feet. "I mean how could I possibly forget when all you do is constantly remind me of what I did to you? I've said 'I'm sorry' a million times already and I've been wanting to make it up to you but all I get is silent treatments and cold looks from you every time"

"You think it's easy to forgive you? You know how difficult it is for me to trust people. Most of the time, I don't even fuck with niggas after they betray me. This shit is hard, Bahja, and you're acting like I should forget everything and get back with you like nothing happened"

"I know it's not easy, Chres, but I'm just saying I'm willing to prove to you that I deserve to have your trust again if you let me try! But you won't. You just spend as much time as you can away from me hoping that you're somehow gonna feel better about what I did but it doesn't work like that. Relationships don't work like that! You're supposed to either let the relationship go or focus on growing through the bad times. There can't be a gray area because then you end up confusing yourself and everyone around you by doing shit like what you just did! We just made love for the first time in months and you wanna backtrack to square one!"

Chresanto shook his head as he began to put his clothes back on. As much as I tried to hold my tears back, seeing him getting ready to leave me again and take us right back to where we started really terrified me. At this point, I wasn't sure that we would ever be back together again. I could feel the tears running down my face.I was so mad that I could barely think straight.