In Between [Crankiplier]

12. Boulevard of broken dreams

I sit in my tiny room, playing with the two Bratz my grandmother gave me. They're two girls. One named Yasmine and another named Chloe. I braid Chloe's blonde hair as I hold Yasmine with my feet. I've always liked dolls. Yet I really like Lego's and trucks too. Grandma always gets me both. She knows me so well.

Dad runs into my room. Tears streaming down his face. He grabs me with his right arm and carries me quickly out of the house and into the car. I can sit without a car seat, but he just throws me next to him and doesn't even bother buckling me in. I muster all the energy I have and pull the seat belt across me and push it in it's holder. I'm not a very strong kid. And I've never sat in the front seat before.

"Dad.. where are we going?" I ask.

"Grandma.. she's back in the hospital." He mumbles.

"Why?"

"The chemo isn't working. We're losing her, Elaine." A tear makes its way down his cheek. "We're losing her and I don't think she can be saved."

I'm sobbing. I can barely breath. My nose gets stuffy and my eyes are bloodshot. Why does she have to go?

"It'll be okay Elaine. We'll move on." He assures me. But how can I move on? My grandmother, my only true friend, is fucking dying.

We get to the hospital and he takes me out of the car. I try to take his hand in mine but he takes his away. I don't blame him. This is very hard for Dad. It's his mother.

"Hi, can I see Ms. Nestor? Stat?" He pleads.

"Room 37, to your left." The nurse responds.

Dad thanks him and we run to the room. I expect the worse. I put on my invisible armor and open the curtain, to reveal a lively smiling grandmother. Her skin looks the most colorful it has in years. Her head is still bald, but I see tiny pricks of her old brown hair that was taken away by the bullshit medicine. She looks.. happy.

"Elaine! I'm so happy to see you. Come give grandma a hug." I go into her arms. She feels.. warm. Actually body temperature. I can't believe it. Maybe she's actually cured.

"How're you feeling?" I ask.

"Amazing. This is the best I've felt in years! I'm ready to go home." She says.

I look back to dad. He looks terrified.

"Uh.. doc. Can we talk?" He asks. Him and the doctor close the curtain. I can't help but listen to them. Something about rallying? I don't know what that means so I stop listening.

"Oh. I have something for you." She turns to her wooden table and pulls out a tiny velvet box.

"What is it nana?" I ask.

"Open and see." She replies. I do as she says and carefully crack the box open, revealing a silver necklace holding a red heart pendant with a blue swirl inside. She wraps it around my neck and clicks it. I hold the pendant in my tiny pale hands.

"I love it." I tell her. Meaning it with all my heart.

"It's just like you, Elaine." She presses her finger onto my chest. I was confused. How could I be two different colors? Does it mean I like those two colors? Does it mean I'm hot yet cold? Maybe it could mean..love?

"T-thanks gram-" I start.

"Elaine can I talk to you? For a moment? ..now?" Dad asks. I look back at grandma, she doesn't seem fazed at all.

"It's okay E, I'll be here." I nod, thanking her. Dad takes me to the opposite side of the curtain and kneels down.

"Kid, I need you to know something." He says. I nod.

"Grandma," he points to the curtain. "Is not better. She is not going to be going home with us today."

"Why....?" I ask. "What do you mean?"

"This is sort of considered rallying. There's no proper word for it. But someone who's almost dead wakes up for a short period of time to say their goodbyes then permanently.... passes away."

"This is her goodbye." He finishes.

"Why can't we just take her home!? Why can't we just SAVE HER!?" I scream.

Silence takes over the hospital. Tears well in both of our eyes.

"You know we would if we could.." he whispers. "I think it's time we say our goodbyes."

I want to protest.. but it's no use. My best friend is already gone. I walk into the room and hug my grandmother. I hug her with everything in me. All the memories. All the emotions. Everything I'll have to keep locked away in the back on my memory. She understands and doesn't speak, which I mentally thank her for. I grip onto the pendant, like it's the last thing I have of her.

"I love you nana."

"I love you too." She says. I begin to walk out. "Wait!"

I turn back. She waves me over and I put my hand in hers. "Don't forget. You are special." She kisses my hand and turns away to sleep. I walk out of her room and with my dad back home. Her words stuck in my head. You are special.

".. Ethan?" Mark asks. I jolt up.

"What?" I ask.

"You've been just staring off into space for like a half hour."

"Hmm.."

"You okay though?" He asks.

"Yeah.." I tell him honestly. "Now I am."