In Between [Crankiplier]

20. The real me

The black converse covering my pale toes bring me to the all too familiar house I've grown to love and cherish. I knock quietly on the door and smile as Mark peaks at me through the window panels with his triple chin out. "Let me innnnn," I mouth, knowing he probably wouldn't hear me if I yelled anyway. He shook his head and I fake-sobbed into my hands. The sounds of locks turning ringed out then the wooden gateway was pulled inward revealing the handsome man I'm proud to call my.. friend? Crush? Sort of more than friend? Mark. I'm proud to call my Mark.

"H-hey Markimoo." I smirk.

"Hey beanie boo, come on in." He takes my hand in his paralyzing my arm with butterflies. We make our way to his room and he locks the door. I sit down on the comfy bed that's practically my own with Mark right across from me. God he's so cute. "So how'd it go?"

"Not too bad actually," I smile lightly. "Annie was in a good mood so she didn't yell and my dad sobbed like a baby." I laughed at the end.

"That's.. good I guess?" He jokes back.

"Best of all.. at the end Annie told me to be safe.. I know it sounds like nothing but it's like she actually cared. I don't know." I leaned onto his muscular comforting frame and he wrapped his arm around my side.

"It's not nothing. It's everything." Mark assures me.

"What is this inspirational bullshit you're spewing at me?" I laugh. He starts giggling uncontrollably making me laugh even more.

"But seriously," Mark locks his fingers into mine making me blush. "I'm really happy it's all working out."

"Well not for me. Kinda have cancer and a shit ton of mental issues." I joke lightly. He smiles sympathetically at me.

I watch as he unfolds the covers and snuggles into his bed. He waves for me to come in so I oblige, repeating his actions. Mark's hands wrap around my waist sending shivers and tingling sensations through me like my skin is a conductor *yes that conductor-you-learned-about in-science conductor not the music one* for his lust.

I wrap my hands around his and enjoy the comfortable silence. I look back at him and he takes his hand off my waist to boop my nose making me giggle.

Time passes and I realize this is as good a time as ever. "I need to talk."
   His head shoots up behind me. I flip over to face him. "Before anything happens.. I don't know.. I need to show you the real me. I don't want you to find out something later you won't forgive me for."

"Whatever happens," Mark pulls me closer and soothingly speaks into my ear. "I will always forgive you.. and I'll always be there."

I grin. My fingers twirl around his sheets. "I am.. suicidal. I... self harm when my thoughts take over me or when I get angry and have no outlet. I never eat. So I guess that makes me.. anorexic or whatever. I'm just.. broken. I'll never deserve anyone as amazing  you. And that's it.." I look up fearfully to see Mark's gorgeous, caring eyes. "Please don't hate m-"

Before I can finish my meaningless sentence, Mark cups my face in his rough hands and passionately kisses my lips.

Oh my fucking god.

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Happy New Year 😂