drown ★ it 2017 (completed)

smells like teen spirit

things were incredibly awkward between heather and richie. heather was genuinely pissed, whilst richie was just ashamed. i mean, he kissed a girl whom of which brother had just died. it was really, really bad. sure, she had a slight crush on the tozier boy, but she still didn't want to forgive him.

ring, ring. ring, ring. heather answered the phone.

"hello?"

"h-hi." said a recognizable voice.

"bill." heather replied, agape.

"heather, hi... i w-was just wondering, s-since you hav-ven't been with us f-for the p-ast few days, w-what was wr-wrong."

"nothing."

"b-bullshit."

"why does you and everyone else always have to be in my ass about everything? it's been three days since we've spoken, maybe i just wanted time to myself! can't i at least have some privacy in my life? god damnit."

"i-i'm sorry. bye, heather."

"wait, bill. i'm sorry i exploded like that. please don't go, i've just been having a hard time. i'm just... really stressed."

"i s-said bye, heather!" bill yelled as the line went dead.

heather sighed. life was shit. she really, really, wanted death. but, she couldn't end it all. she had an entire life ahead of her. plus, she knew things were going to get better. even though she may have some problems in her future, she knew it (hopefully) wouldn't be as bad as it was. she had hope, even though that is a very strong word.

•••

(okay y'all i understand that 1-800-273-8255 by logic isn't from the 80's but i'm still going to theme this part around the song)

i've been on the low, i've been taking my time

heater hadn't spoke with anyone from her friend group for over a week. no one called because they heard about what happened between heather and bill. on top of that, richie also spilled about what had happened to zach. she didn't mind it, though, she needed some time to herself.

I feel like i'm out of my mind, it feel like my life ain't mine

everyone had been making choices for her. hell, she barely even thought about what to choose! she didn't know whether to choose richie or bill, whether to stay alive or not, or whether to run away. it drove heather absolutely nuts.

I don't wanna be alive

heather lay on her bed, eyes dry, mind blank. sje wasn't thinking about anything, just deciding if wanted to care for herself any longer.

I just wanna die today

it had been too long since she had spoken to her friends, and heather was on the edge of insanity. she didn't want to talk to them, yet she did. she didn't want to talk to bill, yet she did. she didn't want to like richie, yet she did. the list goes on.

I just wanna die.

she sat at her dinner table, writing a letter to anyone she ever cared about, dead or alive.

and let me tell you why.

life was hell.

I've been praying for somebody to save me, no one's heroic.

deep, deep, down inside, heather wanted them to come back. even though she knew they wouldn't, some part of her still had faith.

my life don't even matter, i know it, i know it

if no one wanted her, what was the point? bill obviously hated her. richie probably thought she was a bitch. everyone else most likely thought she was crazy. everything that kept her going was gone.

I know i'm hurting deep down but can't show it

whenever she wisely spent her money on a bag of chips, she smiled. every time she bumped into somebody, she smiled and said sorry. she wore the mask, amd it didn't even look like a mask. it looked like her face. every curve and bump in her skin was part of the mask.

I want you to be alive.

she really wanted zach and milo back. which she knew was impossible, but if she had to kill someone in order to get her brothers back, her life back, she would.

you don't gotta die.

that's what she kept telling herself, but never believed it.

I know you are the reason i believe in life.

they were dead.

but you gotta live right now

today, she went outside. she went around the town. she said hello to everyone, even bill's dad. she looked at bill's window, and saw him looking out. they made incredibly awkward eye contact, and heather smiled at him for the first time in forever. he smiled back, but it was obviously pained.