Scars Out Of Love

Background(2)

Elementary school was... fine, the issues didn't start until middle school. The reason being that kids are oblivious to reality until they reach 6th grade and then they learn to swear and think that they're just so cool. Amongst increasing their vocabulary, they also start to develop crushes, and if you just so happen to not be interested in guys, or girls for that matter, they start to judge you. That's what happened to me, I had no interest in finding a relationship that would quite obviously only last for a week. I also had no interest to socialize with any potential friends either. So that's how my first year of middle school went, I aced all my classes at least. That summer I discovered what truly existed on the internet. I sat at my dad's desk and typed random words in the search bar, a few of the words made the sentence 'Why don't I fit in?' All the help the websites offered was that I was unique and that I shouldn't change who I was just to fit in. The next few searches after that were 'How do I make friends?', 'How do I fit in?' And 'How do I be cool?'. After finding absolutely no helpful information, I decided to go on a site a bunch of kids were talking about during my computer class, YouTube. On the homepage there was a row of popular channels and one caught my eye particularly, Tyler Oakley. I watched a few of his LGBT videos and that was when the thought first occurred to me, was that what I was? I managed to push that thought out of my head for the remainder of the summer and I had no time to consider it during my seventh grade year, which consisted mostly of bullies. Apparently my sexuality had been decided for me, considering that all of the kids started calling me a lesbian, forever putting the idea in my head that it was wrong to be gay. As if it wasn't already clear enough, my parents signed me up for a youth bible group, which talked specifically about marriage and how it was a sin to be attracted to the same gender. That summer was spent mainly in my room sketching my favorite celebrities, some of them being Ellen Degeneres and the members of One Direction. The only exception to my self-proclaimed prison sentence was a miserable overnight art camp my parents sent me to; I spent both days sitting in a short tree by a lake drawing ducks in the water. After the negative reports of my antisocialness from a leader, my parents gave up on me having a normal summer and just let me stay in my room. The start of eighth grade ruined the only thing I still had, my grades. It felt like I had gained a learning disability over the summer. After the first meeting between my teachers and my parents, it became very apparent something needed to change. They found out about the bullies and my failing grades. They let me continue school for the remainder of that year, but as soon as the final bell rang on the last day of school, my parents had bought plane tickets to California.