Carolina [COMPLETED]

five

Things got in the way. People got in the way.

That sounded harsh, and because of that I tried as hard as I could to keep it out of my mind.

I loved my boyfriend, I wouldn't have stayed with him for two years if I didn't feel some kind of affection. But it was different to the love I felt at the beginning. I don't think that made it any better.

I told Jason I'd let him know, which I was yet to do so. He came into the restaurant the next day and I'd catch him glancing at me as I passed by once or twice, but he never told me to come over, so I didn't.

I wanted it. I wanted him. I wanted to be taken away and to submit. Just because I wanted it, didn't mean I wasn't terrified out of my mind at the thought.

I was sure Jason understood that; maybe that was why he kept his distance. Although a part of me felt as though I needed a push, I needed him to set me off. Of course, I couldn't tell him that.

That's why when I first got wind of Harry being out for the night, I made myself determined to call Jason that night.

And I did. With furiously shaking hands. He answered after a few rings.

"Hey," the usual rasp emitted through the phone and fluttered into my ear.

"I want it. I do, Jason, I really do-"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I breathed out.

"Why the sudden change of heart?" he pondered and I had no idea how to answer.

"I don't know, I don't know why-"

"What's your address?"

I told him, something in the back of my mind questioned why I did, but I did it. My entire being was shaking, even my teeth chattered.

He told me he'd be there soon. Soon. How long is 'soon'? I wasn't sure if I should be expecting him in twenty minutes or two, and that made me all the more anxious.

Was I really going to do it? I had full control and yet I chose to risk the chance of ruining everything, even as I was in the right state of mind.

Every car that passed the house, every light that floated by caused my stomach to do a backflip and cause a sick feeling to rise up my throat.

It was even worse when the car stopped outside; that was when I knew it was him. I was caught between wanting to rush out to him and wanting the Earth to swallow me up.

Three knocks were placed upon the door and I took a deep breath before answering it. He looked so fucking calm and it bugged me.

I was almost certain he noticed the nervousness because he gave me that smirk that I both loved and hated.

"He-"

"Don't speak," I said. "Don't let me have time to think about it."

"You don't get to control how I control you," he said. I thought he was going to laugh but his face showed no emotion.

He took a step and suddenly, he was over the line; that was when everything both started happening, and started changing.

Jason kissed me with hunger. And I kissed back with just as much. It was bittersweet; it was filled to the brim with guilt - on my part - and the relief of finally having crushed the anticipation.