Carolina [COMPLETED]

nine

I was shaking like a leaf as I opened the door, and shaking a little more vigorously when I caught sight of Harry sat on the couch. It made it feel like another normal day to see him sat there.

"Hey," he whispered.

It felt as though I'd been stood near the door for hours, but it'd only been seconds. Every sound, every movement hung in the air.

"Hi.."

He patted the space next to him and that's when it all came crumbling down. It was the end.

It was a long night filled with heartache and tension-filled silences.

I cried.

Harry cried.

He apologised, I did too; he didn't know why until I forced myself to tell him.

"I'm just as guilty as you." The Adam's apple in his throat bobbed. His eyebrows furrowed deeply. "I cheated too."

The silence was all we nodded, I think. It told us that everything we knew was broken, and everything we had was disappearing.

"Oh, oh, well- I guess I can't really, I can't be angry."

"You can be if you want to, if you need to be. I think I was a little angry when I first got that text."

"I love you," Harry said with a trembling voice, taking my hand in his. Two clammy palms pressed tightly together. "Always will."

"I know, I love you too."

His thumb stroked the top of my hand, I had memories of him doing the same thing in the beginning of our relationship.

"You- you put a love heart, is it serious?" I didn't want to hear the answer, but I knew I needed to.

"I think so, yeah, I mean- I think it could go somewhere." He fumbled with his fingers. I didn't blame him; I wanted to look anywhere but his eyes.

"I hope so, you deserve love. I don't think I was giving it to you."

"What about you? Do you like them?"

"It's a man, and," I sighed, "I don't know, maybe- it's complicated."

Jason and I weren't even in a relationship and it was complicated. I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with me.

"Well, I'm here if you need anything. I don't want things to be weird. I want to be a friend, not someone you have awkward encounters with every now and then."

I smiled, it felt nice to do so. "I'd love that. I can't imagine not seeing you all the time."

We embraced each other, rocking gently. He was warm and soft, and I appreciated him more than I had done in a long time.

That night, I think I lost a boyfriend but I gained a friend.

****

Jason texted me multiple times, asking how it went and if I was okay, which I appreciated. I replied quickly, letting him know, before pulling the covers around my body.

It was unsettling to fall asleep without the familiar lump of a man next to me. Harry insisted on spending the night at a friend's, just to give us both some space.

I was lonely. I was cold. My heart was beating and with each beat, it ached.

I wanted Jason, but I knew in that moment it was mostly because of how I was feeling and the recent separation, not necessarily my feelings towards the man.