I'll Be Better Tomorrow (frerard)

break

"Gerard broke up with me." Frank stood in Mikey's doorway, not willing to go home and feel Gerard's presence everywhere.

"What? Oh, Frank, come in," Mikey said, stepping aside for Frank. Frank sat on Mikey's couch, right next to Ray, who had just so happened to be there when Frank arrived. Mikey followed him, looking confused. "So what happened?" He asked.

"Gerard broke up with me," Frank repeated. "Told me to leave, that it was over."

"What happened?" Ray asked, equally alarmed as Mikey.

"I really didn't see it coming," Frank said, staring off, unable to answer in detail. "We weren't even fighting. I didn't think he would ever want this."

"What did he say?" Mikey asked. With a bit more coaxing, Frank told them the events of the night before, Gerard thinking he was going to die and calling Frank in to say goodbye, him waking up okay, then telling Frank it would hurt more if they stayed together until Gerard died.

"I'm never going to see him again. He doesn't want me to. I tried to talk him out of it and it just-"

"We'll go talk to him," Ray said. "Right, Mikey? We'll see what he tells us."

"He probably needs to hear it from someone else. He'll really be lonely without you, and I know he doesn't want that for himself," Mikey said. Frank only felt more sad with the image of Gerard lying alone with no one to talk to in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep, nobody to give him extra blankets when he was cold, nobody to make him a bed of pillows when his ribs hurt to the point of tears.

How could Gerard just end things, after everything they'd been through together? Frank couldn't understand it, when they were both so in love, and Gerard just didn't want it anymore. The way Gerard presented it, so emotionless, without any true pain behind his words at making Frank go, resonated in Frank's mind.

"This isn't right, Frank, I know he loves you," Ray said.

"He said he'll miss me," Frank said, still distant. "If he'll miss me, then why did he do it? Wouldn't it be better to just let go, all at once?"

"I don't know, Frank. You know how Gerard is."

"I should've told him I loved him one more time. What if he thinks I don't? What if he thinks I don't care, that this really is better for me? I just want to be with him."

"He knows you care about him, Frank," Mikey said. "That's more than apparent, especially after how much you've been taking care of him. He's going to regret this."

"What am I supposed to do?" Frank said, but it was mostly to himself.

"I need to go talk to him," Mikey said. "He'll be crying for you back in, like, a day. He shouldn't have hurt you like this.

"Please don't get mad at him," Frank requested. "He's so sick, he doesn't need—"
"Come on, you've gotta be kinda pissed at him over this," Ray said. "He's being selfish."

"Just because he's dying doesn't give him entitlement to ruin his whole relationship with you, for some bullshit reason," Mikey backed.

"I don't think he can really see anything other than him dying," Frank said.

"We'll just," Ray stopped, glancing at Mikey, then Frank. "We'll just go visit him, and hopefully he'll regret this, and it'll be okay. It'll be okay. Yeah, Mikey?"

"Yeah, let's go. Frank, if you don't want to go home, you can stay here for as long as you want," Mikey offered.

Frank didn't want to go home. It would be too overwhelming. Mikey's place was a good neutral zone for Frank to process everything. "Thank you," Frank muttered, before Mikey and Ray left.

He fell asleep on Mikey's couch, exhausted from not enough sleep the night before and too many emotions to register. His phone remained in his pocket, but it did not ring to wake him. He didn't dream, finally resting. When he did wake up, he felt rested, yet that may not have been the best thing for him. He could feel everything, think clearly, without tiredness to distract him or dull the pain.

Gerard was his everything.

Frank couldn't treat it like a normal breakup no matter how hard he tried. There was such a strong pull for Frank to go back to him, to desperately try to make up with him again, get back together. But time was limited, and he would feel bad for guilting Gerard into anything at that point in his life. Frank couldn't face the reality of it being the beginning of his life without Gerard. He wished he could go home, and have Gerard be there, waiting for him; everything would be normal again.

Mikey and Ray came back together, and Frank only looked at them expectantly. "You're boyfriend," Ray said, "is incredibly stubborn."

"'Boyfriend?'"

"I refuse to accept your breakup."

Frank sighed. "What did he say?"

"He really didn't want to leave you," Mikey started. "He really didn't. But no matter how much we told him it's not a good thing for either of you, he wouldn't believe it. He thinks you'll handle this better than having to watch him get worse."

"And he just wants me to live with this? I can't do that."

"He'll figure that out," Ray said. "But for now you just have to, until he comes around."

Frank feared Gerard wouldn't take him back until it was too late.

Mikey and Ray proceeded to apologize again for everything that had happened. Everything that had made Frank's life come caving in around him.

Frank had grown to hate the dizziness of surrealism.