I'll Be Better Tomorrow (frerard)

Friends and Worries

Frank started imagining what would happen, more and more, if Gerard were to really die. He felt sick to his stomach when he thought of Gerard wilting away right in front of his eyes. He thought of Gerard not waking up one day, dying in his sleep while Frank held him. He thought of Gerard crying in pain, clinging to him until it was too much and his heart stopped beating. He could picture Gerard's bony figure in his mind, and it was nightmarish to think of him starving to death; malnourished. Thinking about Gerard dying in front of him just make Frank feel helpless to the situation.

Gerard wasn't having a good day when everyone came to visit, his room full of people—both his parents, Ray, Mikey, Bob, and Frank. He didn't want to talk much, and quietly told Frank he had a pounding headache. After a while—way too long—of everyone in the room conversing about their worry for Gerard's well-being, Frank agreed with them, that, yes, things truly were bad for them right now, that Gerard was sick and probably getting sicker. But Gerard cut them off, coughing and clearing his throat. "I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm basically already dead." Frank blinked down at him, and he shrugged. "I don't want to die, I'm not ready to give up yet."

"Gerard, we don't want you to, either. We just really want you to get better, and we're worried that you won't," Bob said.

"There's no way for us not to feel like this after the news," Ray said.

"I just hear about people worrying about me all the time, and I don't want to hear it." He pointedly looked up at Frank. Frank shook his head shortly, looking at Gerard again.

"Frank worries about you because he's with you all the time, more than anyone, and he watched all this happen to you," Mikey said.

"It's not his fault," Gerard said. "It's just, I know I'm sick, obviously, I feel it everyday, and I don't want to be. It makes it... frustrating to deal with when I'm in pain and it's all everyone around me talks about."

The room was silent, and Frank could practically feel guilt seeping off of everyone there. "I'm sorry," Frank said. "I don't think anyone can combat that. We should really lighten up a bit. Even though none of us have, like, given up hope with this whole thing, we shouldn't really keep talking about it so much."

Gerard grabbed Frank's hand, pulling it over his chest. "Thank you. I know you're all my support system with everything, always. I just don't want to be constantly thinking about this, you know?"

There was a chorus of agreement across the room, so they complied to Gerard and didn't talk about it. They caught up with Ray and Gerard's parents, learning about Gerard's family and how they have been. That was, until, Gerard got sick again—he looked up at Frank, expression showing something was wrong. Frank squeezed his hand, and asked, "What do you need?"

"I'm really nauseous," he exhaled.

"Need help?" Frank offered.

Gerard nodded, and grasped the pole of his IV. Frank rounded the bed, aware of several pairs of eyes following him. He bent slightly for Gerard to throw an arm around his shoulders, inched a hand under Gerard's back, and pulled him out of bed. Gerard leaned heavily into Frank's hands, and for a moment, Frank didn't see the point in trying to get Gerard to walk. It would have been more efficient to just pick him up and carry him into the bathroom, because Gerard was obviously too weak to support his own weight. Frank had to remember it was all for Gerard's mindset; he was determined he was stable, and would be getting stronger. Frank couldn't take that away from him.

A look of concentration came over Gerard's face as he tried to take a step. If possible, more of his weight transferred into Frank's side. His legs were trembling, and an involuntary whine came out of him, which he tried to cover up with a cough. Frank hated hearing Gerard's noises of pain, and it killed him that he couldn't really do anything to help him. Frank realized how shocking Gerard's feeble state must have been for everyone in the room—they were used to Gerard putting on a smile and pushing through with a fake energeticness, not this skeletal boy who physically could not walk. It wasn't that long ago, it had only been a couple months, since Gerard was out doing the routine kickass show, singing and dancing and giving a stellar performance.