Dear Diary

Just a Thought

Dax had gone to three chemotherapy treatments so far and he wasn't feeling too well. On the outside he looked like the same old handsome Dax, but how he felt on the inside was another story. He wasn't going to let his sickness slow him down though . He pretended like nothing was wrong because he didn't want his family to see him sickly, and we went to the firm three days a week instead of four to five like he usually did.

Dax hadn't found a new assistant and he wasn't looking for one either. He liked not having some one burst through his office door every five minutes to tell him tings he already knew.

Things at home were the same, he was still being the best father he could be, and he was working on helping Isabella plan their wedding.

"So, where would you want to get married?" Dax asked.

"I was thinking about a pretty beach or something, I don't know it's just a thought."

"The Bahamas it is."

"The Bahamas?" Isabella repeated.

"Yeah, the Bahamas."

"Dax I said the beach not the Bahamas."

"I'm sure there's a beach there." Dax chuckled. "Do you not want to get married there?"

"I mean, yes it'd be wonderful but-" Isabella started,

"Then it's settled."

Isabella continued to look at pictures of wedding dresses in a magazine.

"Have you found a dress you like?"

"Um, no, nothing that caught my eye. I'll just go to a bridal shop some time soon."

"I should come with you."

"Dax, haven't you done this before? Don't you know that you're not supposed to be there when I pick out my dress?" Isabella asked.

"I didn't participate in planning my first wedding." Dax explained.

"Why not?"

"She didn't want me to, even though I was the one paying for it. I didn't even see my tuxedo until the wedding day. So I'm kind of new to this in a way."

"Well here." Isabella said handing him one of her bridal magazines.

A few minutes later Dylan walked into the room. He had just waken up from his nap.

"Daddy." Dylan said rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Yeah, buddy?"

"Am I going to be your be-best man?" Dylan stuttered.

"How do you know what that is little guy?" Dax asked

"I heard Gran say it."

Dax began to laugh. "No buddy, you'll be our ring barer."

"Do I get to eat cake after?"

"Of cour-" Dax's sentence was cut off when he began to cough. He grabbed some tissue. When he looked into the tissue it was bloody. Dax quickly balled it up and flushed it down the toilet.

He had been do very good at pretending to be fine. Dax knew it was just the chemo that was making him feel bad, but he was taking it better than most people.

That next morning Dax went to the hospital so he could do his next treatment.

"Doctor Nealson." Dax said.

"Yes, Mr. Walker?"

"What would you say if I told you I want to stop the chemo?" He said sitting on the hospital bed.

"I'd ask you why."

"I don't want to be sick Doctor Nealson. I want to have my health and be able to run and play with my son, and I want to marry my fiancé', I do not want this to slow me down."

"Your cancer is not bad, it is treatable you just have to take the treatment Mr. Walker."

"Mhm."

"Just think about it Mr. Walker, and talk it over with your family." the doctor instructed Dax.

And that's exactly what he did. As soon as he got home he talked to Isabella about the situation. His mother wasn't really involved in the conversations about his health. Dax simply didn't want to worry her.

"I was thinking that maybe, I should stop the chemotherapy Bell."

"Are you serious?" Isabella asked.

"Yes, I am."

"So that's it, you just want to give up?"

"No, Bell. Not give up, I just-"

"Well, that's what you're making it seem like!" Isabella had stood up from her chair and was almost yelling. "What are Dylan and I supposed to do without you? Huh, what's your mother going to do, have you told her this?" 

Isabella was beginning to cry, and Dax had stood up to hold her. Isabella had start hitting his chest out of frustration, but her actions didn't do much at all seeing as Dax's chest was rock solid.

"Isabella!" Dax yelled.

"You told me not to leave you, now you're going to give up and leave me." Isabella said teary eyed.

"I'm not going anywhere, I just... it was just a thought."

After that Isabella began to calm down. Isabella cried herself to sleep sometimes because she simply didn't know how this story was going to end. She wanted Dax to beat this cancer and continue with the way they were before. So she'd sit alone for hours crying, and praying, because that's all she could do. And that's exactly what she did tonight.

Isabella walked into her old room and cried for half an hour until she decided to get her diary and write.

Dear Diary,

I haven't written to you in a while. There's just been a lot going on. For starters Dax asked me to marry him on Christmas day. I was so excited about it until I tried to tell my sister. She was so upset because I didn't spend Christmas with them. She practically closed the door in my face. I'm still happy that I am going to marry Dax, but I wish she would've just let me tell her, I haven't talked to her in about a month. Every time I call she sends me to voice mail, so she still doesn't know I'm engaged.

Dax was also diagnosed with cancer. That is what as been hurting the most. He seems like he's okay on the outside, but today he told me that he was thinking about stopping the chemo. I flipped out on him, now that I think about it I feel horrible for that. But He and Dylan are all I have I'd never want to lose them. I hate to even think about a life without them, and I don't ever want to experience that.

I'm going to go apologize to Dax now.

Isabella

Isabella went back to their room to apologize, but he wasn't there. She wondered around upstairs until she found him sitting in his office. He was on the phone in his office chair when she walked in. Two minutes later he put the phone down.

"I have good news babe, maybe you won't be so mad at me anymore after you hear this!" Dax exclaimed with a bright smile flashing across his face.