My soldier, Her Irish Angel

Chapter 19

"The thing about learning how to fight is that- some of us are not born with that desire. They say some are born fighters; but they don't usually point out that others just aren't. Some of us are forced by life to take up arms and fight. Many of us are. The art lies in knowing when to wield those arms and when to put them down. I don't think it's a matter of pretending to be ideally unharmed by life and untouched by darkness; because that is hypocrisy. Rather, I think it is a matter of being true to your truth and learning when to fight and learning when to be soft. Hopefully, our soft moments in life will largely outweigh, outrank, and outrun our fighting."

― C. JoyBell C.

Niall's Pov

I feel cold yet warm at the same time. It feels nice, not suffocating. I feel at peace until I feel someone shaking. I open my eyes when I hear the whimpers. I look around confused until I realize I spent the night with Four, singing and cuddling. I look down at her she begins to thrash around violently. She starts screaming as well, gaining even more of my concern.

"Please stop!" She screams at the top of her lungs.

I look at her afraid of what is going on inside her head. She then stops breathing, it's like she is underwater and gasping for breath. Four, I look at her with concern, I pull her closer trying to stop the majority of her movements so we don't have a harsh fall out of the tree we are in.

I whisper gently into her trying to soothe her "Four, it's okay i'm here princess, it's me Niall."

She doesn't respond to my words, and still is trying to breathe but to no avail. I then try singing "Over Again", just as I begin she starts to calm down, I'm relieved that my voice has this effect on her. She begins to breathe again, and her eyes start to flutter when I reach the chorus.

I stop singing as she begins to get up. I pull her to me stopping her from trying to get away, and say "What the hell happened, you were screaming, choking, you were-"

Four tries to avoid my gaze, looking down. She is shutting down, no, not this time.

"Niall, I don't want to talk about this okay?"

"No, not this time, please tell me what the hell was going on!"

Four looked down starting to tear up, at moments like this she is my princess, but when she is so brave she lets go of everything becoming my queen. I want to help her but I can't if she won't let me.

So I begin "you know a wise woman said something about picking and choosing." Fours looks at me as if i'm nuts, and this is irrelevant to the situation, but I continue "she meant that you have to choose the moments of when you use your strength, princess, tell me you don't have to be guarded, let down your walls, and talk to me"

"No Niall, this isn't something you just talk about, this is something that even the lost didn't know until two decades of us being friends. This thing that gave me night terrors, i'm not going to talk about it with you."

I felt hurt from what Four said, "Why can't you trust me?"

She looked at me with a cold glare, "Look just because you got me to fall asleep next to you last night does not mean you are entitled to every one of my little secrets, it doesn't mean we are close friends-"

"I think it does, I think you do trust me, but you don't want to get close to me because you're afraid!"

"I'm not afraid I just know not to walk into something I will regret!" she yelled.

I look at her in anger, I don't care just because she is broken, or sad, it doesn't give her the right to act like this.

I decided to continue pressing her, maybe i'm the person that will get her to open up again, I just have to keep on trying. "Why would you regret trusting me," my voice small, and hard.