Cade Cattboi is a smart, popular 8th grade boi who everyone loves. He seems to have it all, until that one fateful day when he walked into Math class.
Yes, this is really just a love story between a boi and a doorknob
Set in the Post-Apocalypse
"Gee golly! Thanks mister!" Cade exclaims as Dane passed him this nice meme during Smart People class.
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"Lawl ecks deee that was so roflcopter lmayyo bro!" said Grayson the class pet, a guinea pig with only one eye. Ya see, he was in the Great 6969 China vs Korea war where China kicked Kim Jong Un's chubby lil toddler face in the face, but not before he scooped out one of the eyes of China's most valuable ninja warrior, you guessed it, Grayson. He wears an eyepatch over the scar because he likes pirates. He has now decided to retire to school pet life and is cooler than that other guinea pig, Gravy. He doesn't even know how to talk. Peasant, thought Grayson.
Anyways, Cade, Dane, and Grayson were hanging out together in the corner of the classroom, when a human person appears out of nowhere. "That's a human person," said Dane.
Cade then heard a familiar voice. "Hello my names Alytha and I'm here to be a normal human person like you mortal beingth." Ya see, Alytha is an immortal thnake overlord who decided to act like a mortal and show off her thnake powers to the world because confused humans are the best kind of humans. Oh yeah, and she has a lithp, in case you couldn't tell. She has befriended the two bois and they are friends and junk.
Then Mrs. Protonius walks in and the class begins. While she is talking about the 9500 page essay about why blue crabs are important to the ecosystem they have to finish by tomorrow, Cade starts to tell Dane and Alytha about the incident with Mrs. Faucet and Jirard when Mrs. Protonius slams a giant stack of papers only being held by one of those black clippers thingies on their table. "Fill out this entire thing by tomorrow," she says to the group. Cade flips through the packet and realizes that she hadn't given him the essay thingy like she did for the rest of the class, but a giant research paper over... doorknobs? "Why doorknobs? All the other children are writing papers about blue crabs. Why aren't we doing that?"
Mrs. Protonius was infuriated. How dare these lowly children question her acts?! Just then Grayson chimes in, saying, "Yeah, no offense, but I don't see the point of this either." Mrs. Protonius, obviously knowing that she must respect this guinea pig and his opinions, immediately backs out and explains this reason. "Well, Cade, I saw you being interested in Mrs. Mezzarella's doorknobs, so I thought, 'why not', so here we are!"
"...Why are you watching me?" Cade asks.
"Because I am your robot overlord."
Mrs. Protonius pulls off a mask and reveals her ugly, evil, robot-y robot face.
