A Boi and his Doorknob

Wazzap it be Chapter 5 Bro Man

Cade and Dane were walking to go to Mrs. Protonius' class for smart people because they are smart as frick when Cade realized something strange. Did he hear the sobbing of an inanimate object? Obviously curious as to why a non-breathing thing was breathing, let alone sobbing, Cade says, "Yo Dane I'm gonna go back to math class. I think I left my removable left index finger in there," which was kinda true, but actually he has a removable right index finger. His secret was safe yet again.

Anyways, Cade runs down the hallway when Mrs. Faucet from the seventh grade side of the building jumps in front of him and starts yelling some gibberish at him. All he could catch was stuff like "WHY ARE YOU RUNNING"(when in actuality he was actually literary racing against his pet snail, Jirard, down the hallway and was losing at doing so), "TEENAGERS ARE SATAN", "I HATE THESE MILLENNIALS", "WHY DOES EVERYONE CALL ME MRS. FECES", etc.

As she was ranting about her life issues and hatred for children, Cade slowly scoots away, squishing Jirard in the process. "OH NO NOT MEH SNAIL BOI" Cade exclaims. "HE MUST HAVE PROPER FUNERAL!"

Cade rushes outside, holding Jirard's crushed body in his hands, and starts the funeral. He digs a hole with a plastic spoon that Watson Wambleton had thrown at him the prior day, builds a tiny coffin out of toothpicks for poor lil Jirard, places him in there gently, places the coffin in the hole he dug, covers the hole back up, and writes on the spoon "R.I.S.N.F." (Rest in spaghetti never forgetti), and uses it as a grave marker thingy. The impact of his friend's death just now hits him, crushing him as hard as that one time when Dane bit his arm cuz he got mad. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a horde of zombies appeared! They tore at Jirard's tiny lil snail grave and ate his slimy snail corpse. Cade was disgusted and horrified at the same time. Weeping and sobbing and doing all that other stuff you do when your pet snail was eaten by zombies, he runs back into the school and just walks to the smart people class, forgetting about the weeping thingy in the math room as well as his right index finger.